From Hollywood to Reinvention: Sasha Alexander on Midlife Power, Identity & What’s Next

Sasha Alexander: 00:00:00

We always thought that, like, you know, menopause is like in your 60s, not in your 40s.

Roxy Manning: 00:00:04

Right. Like later. Later.

Sasha Alexander: 00:00:06

I just had a 40th birthday. I was really excited. What is this? It's also weird to be this age because I don't feel this age. Like, I feel like I'm 20.

Roxy Manning: 00:00:15

I honestly think, like, we are where we're supposed to be.

Sasha Alexander: 00:00:19

Youth is beautiful, but it's just as beautiful as other stages of our life. The hard part about aging is accepting where we're at. But the easy part is if you can literally look at it and go, it's beautiful.

Roxy Manning: 00:00:31

As we know, when you're an entrepreneur, one day you're marketing, the next day you're doing some back end stuff.

Sasha Alexander: 00:00:36

Yes. Or all in the same half hour.

Roxy Manning: 00:00:39

Yes, yes.

Sasha Alexander: 00:00:41

Literally in the same half hour. I'm like, oh, my goodness.

Roxy Manning: 00:00:45

How does female friendship look to you?

Sasha Alexander: 00:00:47

Now all of a sudden you graduate to a space where you feel like speaking to other women. Feels like really like a comfort place.

Roxy Manning: 00:00:57

And going back to even you and I in college, I mean. I guess we should start from the beginning.

Sasha Alexander: 00:01:05

Or not.

Roxy Manning: 00:01:12

Some people come into your life for a moment and some stay through every reinvention. Today's guest is one of those people. For me. Sasha Alexander is the kind of woman who defies categories.

You've seen her anchor massive television hits. You've seen her disappear into characters that became cultural icons.

And now you're watching her build an entirely new chapter as the founder of the real life co, a mission driven business helping young adults step into their futures with clarity and confidence. But before all of that, Sasha and I were two kids walking around USC dreaming big dreams we couldn't even articulate.

Yet we grew up side by side in different corners of Hollywood through all of the messy, beautiful, very real chapters of adulthood, careers, marriage, motherhood, heartbreak, reinvention. And because of that history, she's sitting in this conversation with the guard all the way down. This isn't the surface level stuff you heard before.

This is Sasha talking about identity, aging, ambition, friendship, the industry, motherhood, and what it really takes to launch a business in midlife when the world thinks you should already have it figured out. If you love smart, honest conversations with women who have lived lifetimes inside of a lifetime hit, follow on the iconic midlife.

Leave a five star rating and share this episode with someone who needs this kind of truth today. Okay, let's get into it. Here is my friend, the incomparable Sasha Alexander. Welcome to the iconic midlife Sasha Alexander.

Sasha Alexander: 00:02:49

Iconic Yeah, I don't know. You'd have to think about that word, iconic. What do we think about the word? What does iconic represent? In some ways, you're right, though.

It is kind of an iconic midlife.

Roxy Manning: 00:03:00

It is. It is, because we're.

I think, especially with our generation, we're kind of doing it our way as opposed to, like, when I look back at, like, my mom and, like, even farther back from that, I feel like there was no way they weren't able to, like, express themselves the way we are and, like, have these shared conversations. So I think it's pretty fucking iconic, that. But we. We're able to do this, you know?

Sasha Alexander: 00:03:24

Yeah, you're right. Are we jumping in right now?

Roxy Manning: 00:03:26

We're just jumping right in.

Sasha Alexander: 00:03:27

We are.

Roxy Manning: 00:03:27

Okay. We sure are.

Sasha Alexander: 00:03:31

Well, first of all, can we just start by saying that we've known each other since college?

Roxy Manning: 00:03:36

Yes.

Sasha Alexander: 00:03:37

So when we talk about midlife, it's so weird, because we've known each other since our 20s, and so it's just such a.

And we're both mothers of girls, and so when we talk about sort of, you know, the growth that we have as women at different stages in our life and how we evolve in relationships and friendships and, you know, choosing partners, like, so many things happen to us that it's really kind of remarkable being a woman. It really is. But I do think that at this stage right now, we are at a unique spot because our generation is talking about it.

And, you know, thank you for talking about it for a long time. Even before this podcast, you were talking about it on your previous podcast, and. And you were always sort of.

You were always embracing this idea of speaking openly about what we were going through collectively as women, connecting on, you know, having babies and our marriages and, like, you know, or relationships in general. And so yay to you, Roxy. Thank you. Thank you for always continuing this conversation.

Roxy Manning: 00:04:49

Oh, thank you. Thank you. I love that, you know, just piggybacking on what you're saying.

You know, I feel like it's just so important to get out there and just to kind of open up the dialogue and really make people feel comfortable, because the best thing and that can happen is that we have all these shared stories and we learn from each other and we support each other. You know, like, there's no reason why we should not all be supportive of one another. There's space for all of us.

Sasha Alexander: 00:05:18

Yeah, for sure.

Roxy Manning: 00:05:19

Right. I just feel like there is no reason that we should not stand by our fellow, especially midlife. You know, midlifers. Because, you know, we need.

Collectively, we're so much stronger when we're all together. So, yeah, right When I think, you know, think back to that, like, and going back to even you and I in college. I mean.

I guess we should start from the beginning.

Sasha Alexander: 00:05:45

Or not.

Roxy Manning: 00:05:48

Oh, my God, it was so funny. I was, like, just thinking yesterday. I'm like, when was the first time I met Sasha? And I think I remember, if memory serves, which.

Which could be a blur still, because we did, you know, at a party.

Sasha Alexander: 00:06:02

At a theme party at a college theme party. Could have been a theme. You know what it was?

Roxy Manning: 00:06:07

I think it was when Tracy and I came to pick you up to go. And Joey came to pick you up to go out for the night when you lived with Autumn.

Sasha Alexander: 00:06:18

Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, sure.

Roxy Manning: 00:06:20

Was that our. Our freshman. That was our freshman year.

Sasha Alexander: 00:06:23

I didn't. I didn't live with Autumn till junior year. Senior year. Senior year.

Roxy Manning: 00:06:28

Oh, but it was. But okay, you know what? It was our. I think it was our freshman year, maybe.

Sasha Alexander: 00:06:33

But we lived with Tracy in autumn the first year, so maybe.

Roxy Manning: 00:06:37

Oh, wait, then that was. Okay. Wait, that's right.

Sasha Alexander: 00:06:38

Freshman year.

Roxy Manning: 00:06:39

Then that was it. Freshman year. Okay, that was it. I remember us all going out. Joey was trained around our gay friend.

Joey, for those who don't know, was trying to round us all up. And the shenanigans that always.

Sasha Alexander: 00:06:51

They don't know Joey. Everyone knows Joey. What do you mean? Hold on. I have to take a beat and just tell you I'm being distracted because I cut my own hair the other day.

I felt empowered to come. So I think I did this. I used to do this in college. And now, all of a sudden, in midlife, I'm cutting my own hair. I literally cut my bangs.

They were down to here, and I cut them to here. I cut Leonardo's hair. He likes me to cut his hair. I did it once, and for some reason, it was, like, the best haircut he ever had.

So now I cut his hair all the time, which is really cute. But I felt empowered to do my own hair. Now I'm looking at it going, I'm not sure. I might need to have a professional to go, look at this.

Roxy Manning: 00:07:29

I am obsessed with it. You can see the layers.

Sasha Alexander: 00:07:33

Lots of layers. There's a lot of layers.

Roxy Manning: 00:07:36

I think I'm gonna book an appointment. Slash. I mean, you are onto something.

Sasha Alexander: 00:07:40

I'm here.

Roxy Manning: 00:07:41

I'm here.

Sasha Alexander: 00:07:42

Matchas and a hairc.

Roxy Manning: 00:07:45

Exactly.

Sasha Alexander: 00:07:45

Sorry. I just was looking at myself in the thing, and I'm like, Whose hair is that? What's happening? Okay, Anyway, you do it.

Roxy Manning: 00:07:51

You just look in the mirror and you just. With the scissors here. I was drunk.

Sasha Alexander: 00:07:55

I was very drunk.

Roxy Manning: 00:07:56

Oh, there we go. Here we go.

Sasha Alexander: 00:07:59

I'm like. I'm literally like this. That's what I do. I just go like that. And I also kind of think I do that with Leonardo's hair.

I kind of look at the way the flow of the hair goes, and I kind of just shape it. Like, I would implant and don't.

Roxy Manning: 00:08:14

Like, all those boys love to have, like, the hair in the face.

Sasha Alexander: 00:08:17

Like, not anymore. He's past that stage. Thank goodness.

Roxy Manning: 00:08:21

I love hearing about, like, the boy mom side of things, like, because I just have the girl, so I feel like it's a totally different experience. And here you are. You've had both.

Sasha Alexander: 00:08:31

I mean, yeah, it's different.

Roxy Manning: 00:08:33

Which one is harder? Which is there one that's.

Sasha Alexander: 00:08:36

Girls were so difficult. There's no. I don't even have to take a breath. I can literally cut your sentence off. Which one's harder? Girls.

Roxy Manning: 00:08:45

Girls.

Sasha Alexander: 00:08:46

Girls are harder. Listen, that's what makes us magical creatures, because we are complicated and we have many sides and we can handle a million things at once.

And we have big brains and big hearts and we lead with emotions because we have cycles. And I don't think that we should, like, not think that our cycles affect our emotional being. We give birth. Like, there's a lot going on.

And so, you know, I think that.

I think that all those things, especially when you're growing and you have, you know, a young girl entering into, you know, the teens and then young adulthood, it just is a lot to navigate, you know, and also, they're different than we are. Oh. I also think that having a girl is hard for us because as girls, we've definitely been in positions that we didn't feel.

We felt insecure, we didn't feel good about ourselves. We didn't maybe find our people or our friend group or we were excluded, or we didn't feel pretty enough, or we didn't. The boy didn't like us.

We have all these things that happen to us. And then you watch your daughter go through the same thing and you're like, oh, oh, yeah, I'm gutted. I'm gutted. How do I. What do I do? How do I.

How do I help her navigate this? And. And you can't. You can do the best that you can, but the truth is, is that we're all individual and she's her own person.

And so she has to learn the hard way and as we all do. So it's. It's really. I just find it more difficult, I think, because we feel their pain in a different way. Boys are like, ugh. Like, I mean, literally.

Leo had something happen the other day that. That would have, for maybe my daughter, been like, a bigger deal, but for him, he just sort of said, this is what happened. It hurt my feelings.

And we were like, yeah, that sucks. And he was like, yeah, all right. Can I go get an Asyl? Yeah. Okay. And it was over. Like, there was no prolonging it. There was no.

I'm not saying that they don't feel as deeply or see it. I just think that it's different. They let it go very fast.

Roxy Manning: 00:10:56

It seems like the bounce back is quicker. Girls seem to be a little more emotional about it. It's like, you really have to go through the process.

Sasha Alexander: 00:11:04

Yes. Right.

Roxy Manning: 00:11:05

With them.

Sasha Alexander: 00:11:06

Yeah.

Roxy Manning: 00:11:06

Okay. What kind of advice can you give me? Because, as you know, my daughter has entered middle school now, and I'm a little.

I'm a little shook, you know, with all the.

The things, you know, with all the emotions and the hormones and like, you know, it's one thing sometimes one way one day, and then it's, you know, a 180 the next. It's. There's a lot going on in these little brains and bodies. So, like, what. What advice for these middle school moms would you give?

Sasha Alexander: 00:11:34

I, you know, I have a lot of empathy for it because I went through it and I really like. I like, I love all. Like, I love all kids.

Like, there's a part of me that really always wanted to and still sometimes wants to be a teacher or, like, work with children because I really do feel for them. And very often I say to parents, like, you know, just chill out.

Like, you have no idea what they're like, what it was like at school or what they went through. And my. And two other piece of advice is like, don't believe everything they tell you. It's just their perspective.

You have no idea what they contributed to the dynamic, the friend group, what they brought to the table, what they didn't. They don't know who they are. They're testing things out. They're trying on different jackets of personalities and behaviors.

And one day they might be the mean girl, and the next day they might be the girl that helped somebody, and they might be. You don't know. They don't know. So don't be too quick to jump on the bandwagon. Of enabling them or believing them because.

And also, like, I'm always just like, well, that sounds hurtful, but I'm. I know that, you know, you're going to figure out, like, basically just having patience on it, not all of a sudden villainizing other people.

I think that that's like a place that girls go really quickly, and I think that that's like, not. Not the true story necessarily. So. So just minimize, like, not minimize it.

Hear them, listen, be there for them, but don't believe every single thing that they tell you as, like, gospel, because it's not. And the other one is Lisa d' Amore wrote an amazing book called Entangled. And if you haven't read it, it's a must read. Must, must, must.

Like, you need to read it today. And then you need to. You know, she was on my podcast and I. I love her. She came.

I met her in person first, and I just think that she has a really beautiful, kind way of approaching these years and particularly with girls. She has two girls herself, she raised.

I just, I like the way she speaks about it and all the different stages, and she was literally right about everything. So when you read her book, you can look at that section that your daughter is.

But it's great to read the chapter ahead because then you kind of know it's coming and you're a little bit more like, when it does happen, you're like, oh, my goodness. Wait, wait, wait. I. Somebody told me that was going to happen. Now it's happening.

You know, like, you never think your little girl is going to be so sassy. You never think that they're going to. And then they are. And then you're, oh, my God, what happened to my little girl?

She loved me so much and now she's like, talking back. So I think it's. It's all part of it. I. I think I was pretty difficult on my mom, too. Like, I think I was definitely right here.

Roxy Manning: 00:14:19

Yeah.

Sasha Alexander: 00:14:20

Yeah, I was really difficult on my mom, for sure. I mean, I. I felt like. I felt like misunderstood.

I felt like I didn't know my place, even though I had a lot of, like, I had a lot of friends and really good friends growing up. So I didn't have like a. So I. I didn't. I wasn't a kid that had like a social. Big social issues. But I do think we all. Doesn't matter.

We all feel like finding friends and finding your people and the people that understand you and fully see you. That's a process at every stage. In our life. I don't. I don't even think it's something that you just, like, all of a sudden you're like, I'm here.

And, you know, because sometimes you can.

You can be friends with people for years and then reach a certain age, and you guys just don't have anything in common, or their life went in a direction that doesn't align with yours anymore or whatever it is. So we're always having to navigate that, right?

Roxy Manning: 00:15:17

Yeah, absolutely.

You know, I think I was just thinking back to our, like, larger Finn group, too, from college, and we are actually also very lucky that we've all stayed in touch for so long through the decades, you know, and that everybody has, like, is so individual. You know, people have different goals, different, you know, different accomplishments. They're driven. I mean, they're all. All badasses. You know, they.

Everybody. Every single one of them. Very impressive.

But, you know, we're really lucky to sort of have that still, that anchor from, you know, our early 20s and even our late teens. I mean, really.

So now, as you're looking at female friendships here in midlife, do you go back to some of those older friendships, you know, to kind of go back to those, or do you find that it's easier to make friends at this time of life? Like, how does female friendship look to you now?

Sasha Alexander: 00:16:14

It's a great question. Just the other day, a friend of mine was saying how they wanted to plan this trip and all girls.

And my husband lately has been like, what's with all this all girl stuff? Like, you got a trip with all girls, you go to a dinner with all girls, It's a birthday party with just girls.

And we realize that at this age, we really like to be around other women. Right? We really do. So even as we're talking about being a teen, when you're like this drama with other girls and women, all of a sudden, you.

You graduate to a space where you feel like speaking to other women is. Feels like a really. Like a comfort place. So I have always had a lot of female friends. I was raised with two women. My parents were divorced.

My aunt lived with us. I had two women in the house. So I'm very comfortable with women. I love all sorts of women.

I have friends that are very, very colorful and wacky and all over the place.

Roxy Manning: 00:17:11

And.

Sasha Alexander: 00:17:12

And, you know, some people go, how are you friends with that person? I'm like, you know, they are nuts, but I love them. I think that they're. They're really great at that thing that they do.

And so I've always kind of been a person that went in different groups. I think, you know that. And was inspired by. By different people. And. And so I do think that. I do think that we.

We have a lot of women we know who are all doing a lot of stuff.

We see our friends, you know, go through their 20s and go through their 30s, and then they, you know, marriages and relationships and sometimes children, sometimes not, but whatever that is. And as you watch that process, we see all the growth, we see all the changes, and. And then all of a sudden, you get to this midlife place where you.

You're looking at the perspective of everything. And lately I've been thinking a lot about perspective.

Just the perspective of being in a situation where you feel stuck and then going, how do I feel better about this? What do I do about this?

And I always think that finding a way to meditate your way into perspective allows you to look at the whole thing and really evaluate the good and whatever is not good or bad for you. Figuring out, like, okay, these are the things that don't work. It's not the. I'm not going to color the whole thing with this. With this.

I'm not going to. Yeah, I'm not going to paint the whole picture with the same color. I'm going to step away, and I'm going to look at it.

And I think that we gain that perspective with age and with wisdom and experience, and so our relationships at this age are. I just don't find myself as, like. Like, I just feel like to each their own.

Like, if you're happy and that's what you feel like, who am I to tell you to judge you about your choice? You know, whether that's staying in your marriage or not or, you know, I don't know how you live your life.

Like, right now, I feel like there's a lot of judgment around women our age who are. Living their life as they were in their 20s. Like, some people are just, like, going, I'm gonna have fun now. I'm gonna look how I want.

I'm gonna dress how I want. I'm gonna do what I want. I'm gonna attack that business the way I always wanted to, and I'm gonna go for it.

There's so many ways to look at people, and I think sometimes women feel, like, intimidated by that. Like, you can look at someone go, wow, I'm not doing as much as that person's doing, or I'm not.

But I feel like even though I can sometimes feel that way. I feel in general, very inspired by other women who are doing the best that they can at whatever they're doing.

Roxy Manning: 00:19:56

Absolutely. You know, and I think too, like, at our age, I think it's really quality over quantity. Now it's deeper relationships, you know, it's.

Our time is shorter, so the time that we do spend together really has to mean something, you know, and it really. It really is a beautiful and profound and in a way that I feel like, you know, my husband has good guy friends and they do things too.

But it's different with all of us, right? I mean, it's sit there and talk and like, really hash things out, you know, I mean, with my husband, it's more of like they do an activity.

We can literally sit on the phone and, like, talk for an hour and, you know, have a full conversation about really important things. So I think that especially now, I mean, we need these relationships.

Sasha Alexander: 00:20:44

I love it too, because I think that we can talk about things that we're all interested in, whether that's raising our kids, whether that's going through menopause, whether that's, you know, what's. What are you into right now to take care of yourself? Like, what sports or what activities or what are you doing to take care of your skin?

There's so many things that we talk about as women that men are not talking about their skin. They're not actually sitting around going, hey, I mean, maybe they're talking about their fitness. That's possible.

But in general, we have, like, a lot of different things that we can connect on our fashion. What are we going to wear? What are we going to buy for the holidays for gifts? What are we going to.

There's so many things that we can kind of dive into. And how are we setting our holiday tables? How are we decorating the tree? What things are we doing? Where are we traveling?

These are like, conversations that we are always having and we like to have with other people that we connect with on to get ideas, to share ideas, to share stories, to share inspiration. And so for me, it's. For me, my female friendships are everything. And I feel very inspired by women. I feel very. Rah rah for.

Roxy Manning: 00:21:52

For women.

Sasha Alexander: 00:21:53

Like, I really do. I'm like, you go, girl. Like, I see some people that are just kicking ass at what they're doing and. And I want to learn from them.

But I also really value people who know how to slow down, who know how to really, like, do things at a pace that feels good for them. So I feel like you know, I don't know.

I really value my friendships, but I think that women, women at our age are really like, like at a very special and powerful time.

Roxy Manning: 00:22:28

Absolutely.

Sasha Alexander: 00:22:28

We're not building so much. Right. We're more figuring out what feels good for us. Yes.

Roxy Manning: 00:22:35

And as we should. And we probably, to be honest, we probably should have done that years ago.

You know, really like, felt like, listen, tuned in and said, you know, what feels good for us right now? And like settling in and just being okay with that.

Like, for some reason it's always been like a race or I need to do this or like you were saying before, the comparison factor, where it's like, why do I care what somebody else is doing? You know?

Sasha Alexander: 00:23:00

I know, I know. And it's still hard, like, even though.

And imagine like our young daughters, like, you know, with social media and everything, it's really, really challenging.

Like, you know, there are times when I have had, you know, I pick something up and I look at something and I'm like, gosh, I. I wish I was good at that. Like, I was, I was able to handle those many, that many things or I was able to juggle so much.

I realize now, like, one of the hardest things that I'm grappling with is that ever since COVID. It has really. And that for me has been, you know, between 45 and 50. Like, like I, I started going into perimenopause hitting Covid.

Having to be, not having to. But like, yeah, we were all home. Work slows down, you're full on parenting mode. To children who are, you know, being homeschooled.

Like, our lives went like, really, really insular. And that did a number on me. Like, I think in the moment I'm one of those people that like, dives in and gives myself entirely to it.

But then all of a sudden when the dust settles, I like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Like, I need to step back and just do a little self care and a little bit of reflection on, you know, we all have to kind of take, learn to take care of ourselves. And I think that's something for women that is definitely harder than for men, 100%.

I think women are taking care of so many things that self care is essential to their well being, their nervous system.

We're the ones that get, you know, the Alzheimer's, the dementia, the heart disease, all these things at record numbers because of what's happening at a time when we are juggling so much. And if you have women that are working and raising their children and Keeping their family together.

It's like it's much more than we think it is on our body.

Roxy Manning: 00:24:59

It really is. It really is. You know what I just have dipped my toe into now? HRTS just started.

Sasha Alexander: 00:25:06

Yeah.

Roxy Manning: 00:25:07

I am so excited.

Sasha Alexander: 00:25:09

Life changing, right? Yeah, life changing.

Roxy Manning: 00:25:12

I'm so excited for what the process is going to unfold into, you know, become. Because I was kind of hesitant. You know, we were hearing all these mixed reports. I had doctors saying one thing or the other.

You know, it's, it's getting mixed messaging.

But then lately with like the studies that have come out, you know, saying that they were moving the black box labels and things like that, I was like, you know, now's the time. I really want to do this. So I think that that is a form of self care.

Why shouldn't we take care of our health in that way if that's the choice that we want to make?

Sasha Alexander: 00:25:46

Yeah, I think two things on that.

Like, I was working on a documentary some years ago, just, just before, like all just as like the whole boom of, of just the talk of menopause was happening. And one of the things I learned was just how, how this time in a woman's life was so discarded.

I mean, we read a lot about it now in a lot of, you know, conversations, and people like Oprah and Maria Shriver have like, really done incredible things to open that conversation. And, but. And so many other people.

But I, I think what I learned was that how they just discarded us after having children, it's like our health sort of didn't matter. And in fact, it matters so much because learning to understand that our hormones begin to drop in our late 30s, early 40s.

And the problem with that drop is that you just want it to be gradual. You don't want it to be a fast drop. The fast drop leads to mood and fatigue and like so many awful things that we don't feel like ourselves.

And then all of a sudden you have to kind of regulate that. So knowing that you can, that it has to be like this allows you. I feel every woman should understand that you do need to do blood work.

You do need to take a look at sort of where you're at hormonally and find a way whether that's HRT or not. There's supplements that help now, but if HRT works for you, then you are allowed to do it for a little while. You can do smaller doses now.

They have creams and things. It's not like this. It works for some and not for others. But still, it's a point of getting it to go gradual instead of all at once.

And so for me, I did get on hrt and it worked for me because it just made me feel like more gradual. When I got hit with perimenopausal symptoms in my early 40s, actually, I didn't know it, and I did not know that's what it was.

I was working on resolian aisles. I was exhausted. I really, really felt like it was just the exhaustion. And then when I learned that it was more.

It just felt so weird to me because we always thought that menopause is in your 60s, not in your 40s, right?

Roxy Manning: 00:28:04

Like, later, later.

Sasha Alexander: 00:28:06

I just had a 40th birthday. I was really excited. What is this? And then now all of a sudden, yeah, it was like, later, later. And now you're inching closer to that later.

And I didn't know that. And so. Then it opened the conversations with my mother, and I'm just like, when did it happen for you? What did this?

And I think that now it's happening earlier also, just because of all the hormones and food and how our eating is. And so, yeah, it's a lot. But I think that we have to take. We have to now. I think the generations are going to.

After us, are going to really benefit from our work of speaking out about this and not making it taboo and understanding that all of those things that we manage now benefit us later. Because later, post 60s and 70s, those diseases I was talking about are coming from a big drop in our. In our estrogen and our levels.

So there's a cor. Direct correlation between the two, which was ignored for decades, which is wild to me. Like, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy. Like, why was that ignored?

I don't understand. But, you know, here we are. And I think it's definitely helping women feel better and move through this in a much more peaceful way.

So thank goodness for that.

Roxy Manning: 00:29:28

Thank goodness. You know, I do think about the generation before us. A lot of our moms and aunts and cousins and who suffered in silence, you know, they didn't.

Sasha Alexander: 00:29:36

Oh, my goodness.

Roxy Manning: 00:29:37

Can you imagine? Like, just raw dogging it?

Sasha Alexander: 00:29:41

No, no. That's what my mom. My mom did. My mom was just like, oh, it's fine. Like, it was bad for this many years. And then it passed.

And I. I just thought, okay, but, like, I work and I. Like, I. Like, we're not living. I don't know. I just. Why do.

Why do we have to suffer through it if there is some kind of a solution or something to make us feel better. Better. So, yeah, that's tricky. Yeah.

Roxy Manning: 00:30:04

We should have a quality of life, right?

Sasha Alexander: 00:30:06

And I'm sure you know this, but, like, with so many friends and women. I know, I keep saying to everybody, now, have grace with every woman that's over. Over 40. You just don't know what they're going through.

They may not be themselves that day. They may say something they don't mean. They may behave in a way that's irrational. They may do something to just give it space, be kind.

Like, you just don't know. And before you're quick to jump at something.

I just feel like a lot of people are moving through a lot of feelings and a lot of different emotional sort of places, and that could do with our hormones. For sure.

Roxy Manning: 00:30:40

For sure. And I think about the partners, too. I mean, they too are in this. This boat with us. And fortunately for that, my boy's like.

Sasha Alexander: 00:30:49

Sorry, David. Do you really want to go on that old girl trip? Haven't you had enough of me? Because I've been riding for the last, like, two weeks.

Like, yeah, I mean, I know.

Roxy Manning: 00:31:01

Walk out of here.

Sasha Alexander: 00:31:02

Walk out of here. Take a break, girl. Totally. Totally.

Roxy Manning: 00:31:07

I mean, as they say, it's a lot makes the house happier.

Sasha Alexander: 00:31:11

I remember I was like in my. I was in my, like, early 30s or something, and I. We had some neighbor friends, and the wife was going through menopause. She was in her mid-40s.

And one day the husband came in and he was just like, I think she wants to leave me. Like, she hates me. She's so angry, and I don't know why. I don't know what to do. I don't know what's happening. Because she was young.

Like, no one thought it was menopause. And he was just like, she's so mad bad. And she was.

She was going through all this, and one day when she discovered that she was going through perimenopause, she was like, oh. And so she, like, helped herself and she was, like, switched up and he came over. How is she doing? Much better. Like, but it just.

I just remember seeing it and thinking, wow. Like. Like, I didn't know that there was that big of a potential switch up. You know, it's like, bms.

Roxy Manning: 00:32:05

Yes.

Sasha Alexander: 00:32:05

We can get a little wacky. We can get wacky.

Roxy Manning: 00:32:09

Get a little crazy around these little crazy. I know. I was telling my husband, I was like, david, I bet you're excited for when my daughter.

Because she's 11 now, she's probably going to get her period in the next, you know, couple years and I'll probably be in full blown menopause by that time.

Sasha Alexander: 00:32:25

Oh my gosh.

Roxy Manning: 00:32:25

I'm like, it's going to be a household of, you know, it'll be like a seesaw.

Sasha Alexander: 00:32:31

It's a seesaw. Oh my gosh. It's a lot. It's a lot. One of the other things I, I will say that I think. I think the health with the HRT and all that is super important.

And I also think that. Really finding stuff to do, giving yourself, like, I think our purpose is something this past year has really, has been.

My thing is like really leaning into my purpose, really feeling like not waiting around for things. You know, in my industry, it's like you're always waiting on a job, you're always waiting on a phone call, you're always waiting on this thing.

And I just, at this stage of my life, didn't want that. I wanted to be proactive in what I was doing every day. You know, I wanted an office, I wanted to go somewhere, I wanted to create.

I wanted to be around creative people and kind of working on my projects and the things that inspired me. And I feel like, you know, that's a really important piece for some women. I know it's pickleball.

You know, it's literally waking up and having stuff to do, going to exercise, playing pickleball or meeting up with their girlfriends to do something fun or picking a project, a passion project, or if you're working like whatever it is, just give yourself like recognize that this is a sensitive period and give yourself self care and find things in your life that continue to make you feel good. Be around people that make you feel good.

You know, when you talk about friends, Roxy, I think like another big thing is being around people that also fill our buckets and make us feel good. You know, I mean, sometimes we can have friends for long times when we're around them.

Maybe we're just not in the same place and we just don't feel good around them. I think it, I think it's important to be around people who. Who we can focus on the things that make us feel good.

As a creative person, I like to talk about creative things. The people who fill my bucket tend to be people who are creative and thinking about doing stuff.

I don't want to sit around and talk about what my spring wardrobe is going to be. I'm not interested, really. You know what I mean? I don't mean that. I don't care about that. But I just mean some things are.

Or gossip about getting too involved in the kids stuff or whatever it feels like too not productive to me.

Roxy Manning: 00:34:57

Right. Well, I think you bring up an interesting point, too, because I think we're also at a point right now where it's okay to let friendships go.

Like, it's okay to say, you know, this friendship doesn't serve me anymore. You know, it's not necessarily a bad thing to protect your peace and to protect your energy.

You know, it's like, there's only so much of us to go around. So if it's not, you know, something where it's making you feel better about yourself, you know, or, you know, it's a quality friendship, there's no.

I don't think we should be stigmatized to, like, let a friendship go, you know?

Sasha Alexander: 00:35:32

No. And I think the mature thing, too, is to also.

Which I don't know that it always works, but I do think that it's okay to love and care for somebody, but not, like, be with them all the time. Time. Like, it's okay to. To just be. Like, it's not. It's not something that serves me, but I wish them well. Like, it's fine.

Like, doesn't have to be weird. It doesn't have to be anything.

Like, we're all on another side of this time of our life where we should all have the right to be around people that are. That make us feel good and that we feel close to.

You know, I have so many groups of friends, and oftentimes I'm not invited to every dinner or everything, and I see other people I know or whatever, and it's fine. I don't care. I'm happy they're all together, having a good time. Like, I don't take it personally. I don't. Like, I don't know. Doesn't matter.

I'd rather, you know, gives me an excuse to be home early in bed.

Roxy Manning: 00:36:25

I know. There's something so nice, too, about when plans get canceled. Yes, I want to sleep.

Sasha Alexander: 00:36:32

The best.

Roxy Manning: 00:36:32

The best. You're like, okay, I can just get back into it. Like, chill on the couch. Yeah, it's. It's amazing. So, purpose, lady. Let's talk purpose.

Because you've had a big launch this year with the Real Life Company, your new baby. So launching a business in midlife. Tell me all about that. Like, how has it been? What was sort of, like, the impetus behind it? Give it to me, lady.

Sasha Alexander: 00:37:00

Well, I think, you know, I took Lucia to college, and I was just really Surprised by, like, how there was no, like, space to go to one place to know what do to. To get her for her dorm, for school. Like, there was no place the bookstore is at all.

These universities don't have like a checklist or a place for you to understand exactly what you need. And I just was really surprised.

You know, 19 million kids a year go to university and every nine months they have to replenish their rooms or their apartments and everything. And I just couldn't believe that I was like hunting through Amazon to find what I needed.

And so this idea sparked and it stayed with me for like six months and I couldn't get rid of it. And I kept thinking of this idea of school of life. Like it had combined two other ideas I'd had in my life.

One was my frustration after graduating college about not really learning about finances and enough and not having sort of preparation as a young adult. And so basically these ideas came together for me, which is like having a platform that combines everything that you need for young adulthood.

So from 18 to 28, whether that's something that you need for your dorm or first apartment or living, but it's a lifestyle brand that is just any conversation you also need to have about what's going on. I do think we haven't given much love to that period of your life. Like, you know, 20 somethings now are going.

They're not like saving up for a house as much as they are like, you know, buying like a, a $20 smoothie or a perfect candle or a perfect bag. Like, they're very invested in your daily luxuries of things that bring you peace. And so I just wanted to do that.

And so anyway, Real Life Co was named that because whenever I complained to my mom about anything that was like real Life related taxes or she'd be like, it's real life, baby. It's real life. And so that's our tag is Real Life baby.

And so it is things that I think it's like, no matter how much technology we have or, you know, whatever, whatever, your parents were like, great parents that were involved, parents that were less involved.

You need to learn for yourself how to function, how to schedule yourself, how to make your bed, do your laundry, figure stuff out, and there has to be some place that, that you can go to for that. So. So that's what it is. So Real Life Co launched in June. And listen, I think it's really, it's really fun. I've learned a lot.

I like working in this generation and learning like how they think and how they, you know, what they're interested in. So I've been learning a lot, but it's also really hard because sometimes I feel very alone in figuring stuff out.

It's like not something I've done my whole life. You know, in the film business, we didn't. This is a different, totally different animal. And so it's, it's just the beginning.

But I do really love where we're at and I like doing it.

Roxy Manning: 00:40:00

As we know, when you're an entrepreneur, you're wearing, you know, all these different hats. I mean, yeah, one day you're marketing, the next day you're doing some back end stuff.

Sasha Alexander: 00:40:08

Yes.

Roxy Manning: 00:40:09

The third, you know, you're in front of.

Sasha Alexander: 00:40:10

We're all in the same half hour.

Roxy Manning: 00:40:12

Yes, yes, exactly.

Sasha Alexander: 00:40:15

Literally in the same half hour. I'm like, oh my goodness, you're jumping from one thing to the next.

And then at the end of some days that I've been listening to podcasts and listening to a lot of female founders and so forth and everyone says the same thing. So I was like, okay, I'm not crazy. This is actually just what it is. You're literally jumping. I did all my own marketing and branding. We did all.

I loved it because I'm a storyteller. I knew how to do that and produce that. I love all that.

But I'm learning a lot about e commerce, a lot about how people shop, what they look for, how, you know, how do you reach an audience, how do you get to people? And so figuring all that stuff out is really, really interesting. It's a totally different world.

Roxy Manning: 00:40:56

Yeah, it's very psychological.

I mean, you're really getting into people's minds and trying to figure out what makes them tech, what's going to make them interested in your business, you know, like, why would they come back? You know, it is.

And I, I don't know if you have found this, but I also have moments of, you know, frustration where I'm like, okay, this is it, Like I'm done, I'm done. But just when I say that there's like a little ting, a little sign, something that comes up that's like, gives me motivation.

Like, it kind of keeps me going a bit. So I find that, you know, that kind of keeps me on the path because the entrepreneurial preneurial life is not easy. You know, it's hard.

Sasha Alexander: 00:41:40

Yeah, it is.

It's really, it is really hard because I think that, you know, you're not making money in the beginning and so you don't have this kind of reward coming back at you and giving you a validation that you're moving in the right direction. But that said, I do think that, you know, it relies more on data and analytics and certain. Your.

Certain your belief and knowing, because it is a need. If I needed it, I know that there's a lot of people that needed it. I'm a resourceful person, and it was not there.

So I. I definitely know, and given our data and what we've been doing, that it's needed, and it. We are filling a problem. Not a problem, but a need. And I know the solution. So that keeps you going. But I definitely do think that.

I think one of the other hard things is just like, being. Is leadership and managing. Managing different people doing their jobs. Like you're overseeing so much as an actor. I was overseeing myself.

And then I definitely. On certain days, when you're producing and directing, you're seeing a lot of people. I definitely was overseeing people.

But in general, there was a lot about me, me, me. And I actually never really liked that, Roxy. Like, that actually wasn't the part of the business that was my favorite.

I kind of, like, magically wanted everyone to read my mind and know what I needed in that moment, which is completely insane. But that's not how life is. You have to learn to collaborate and to communicate and to really. Bring people together.

And what I like is that I have more control over my environment. Like, I like that I come to an office that's close to my son's school. I like that I get to choose who's around me and who I'm working with.

People that inspire me, people I think are really talented and have great ideas. I like that I get to leave and go see his soccer game if I want to and come back.

These are not things that I was afforded in the film business, like, ever. You're just always in everyone else's time. They own you, and you just show up when you need to, and you stand and you.

And you perform when you need to. And that is wonderful, but it's a different thing. So this is inspiring me because it's just different.

And I think at this stage in one's life also, learning is a really, really, really big thing. Learning something new so that you don't get in this hamster wheel of, like, the same thing over and over again. Right? So, yeah, yeah.

Roxy Manning: 00:44:15

No, I agree with you. I think it's. We have the time now. You know, the kids are older. You know, we're settled in Our relationships, it's.

It's a great time to learn something new.

And I feel like, you know, of women that I've spoken with in our age group, I think a lot of times women can feel stuck, like they don't know how do I start something or like, how do I, you know, move forward, how do I try something different? So I think, like, from your perspective, it's interesting because, yes, you come from the entertainment world.

You're, you know, a very well known person in that world, but you did something and pivoted and did something completely different. So what was that? I mean, was that just you kind of knew?

Because I also have always known you to be somebody who takes chances, who will like put themselves out there, you know. So what was that like, kind of just even the pivot from entertainment into this. Was it.

Did you ever have a reservation or, you know, say to yourself, you know, second guess? Or like, how was it just to go?

Sasha Alexander: 00:45:16

I don't know, Roxy, It's a good question. I'm totally nuts. I don't know what I. What possessed me.

I literally was possessed by like waking up at night and knowing it was a really good idea, like, knowing that I had something and that. That stimulated purpose and like a direction of like, how do I do this? And I just saw it, like, it's, it's a weird thing.

Like when you're, you know, when you're producing something, story or TV or whatever, you see like, I see a poster, I see it, I see the actors, I see the story unfolding. I saw this story unfolding and it felt to me like a really wonderful thing to embark on at a stage where my son is in high school.

He's here for four more years. Then I'm going into being, you know, a free bird and who knows what that will look like.

And I felt like, what a great thing to be able to do, to be here for, you know, a lot of stuff in the business is, in the film business is like leaving, you know, leave for Toronto for nine months and leave for here for this long. And I just, for me, that wasn't going to work. I'd like, I like to continue.

I just did a TV show called Lincoln Lawyer for Netflix, but it shot in la, so I was really able to go from the office to there. And it was very seamless and it was great. Like, I, I'm.

I have a lot of TV and film projects that I'm working on and producing that I love and I can't wait to do. But in the meantime, I felt like there was this really wonderful thing that I could grow and. Yeah, do I have doubts? Absolutely. I had a couple.

I only had, like, one day where I really felt, like, overwhelmed by it. I felt overwhelmed. I definitely found myself laying on my couch in my office going, oh, my gosh. Why did I take this on? What is wrong with me?

I'm crazy. Why did I do this? But then it was immediately, immediately. Interrupted with, oh, I know exactly why I did it. Like, this is really fun.

This is really cool. I really like it. There's a lot of different creative ways to storytelling and ways to create things that are for a different demographic.

It's not about me. It's about them.

I don't know, you know, but I think I've had more times where it's just more of, like, you learning how to navigate these new business tools that I'm getting and learning more than it was questioning whether it was the right thing to do. I think. And I'll add one other thing. We're living in a really special time where people can do different things.

You know, we are seeing so many people that have been known in one profession, and then they turn around and they have a side business doing something else. They have their side hustle. They have their businesses, that huge businesses. They've grown.

I think we're living in a time where you don't have to be just that one thing. You are allowed to be multiple things if it works for you and it. And you make it work. So I feel really grateful that we live in that time.

I actually feel super inspired by all the women that I see that are able to do different things. And so that's definitely allowed me to think that I could do it. Otherwise, I don't think that I would have ever thought that I could do it ever.

Roxy Manning: 00:48:34

What would you say to, like, a woman who might be listening right now, who feels stuck or has a great idea and is like, gosh, how do I. How do I start to execute this? Like, how do I put the pen to paper? How do I, you know, reach out to the contact and kind of get things going?

Like, what do you say to that woman?

Sasha Alexander: 00:48:51

Well, I just had a friend actually reach out to me, and she has an idea, a really great idea for something, and she wanted my help with it. And what I said to her was this. Like, I think that the idea was great.

I think that it's really a question of really doing a little research and understanding how much of what it requires of you and whether you really are in for the big picture of it and, and knowing what that will mean. And also, like, so let's say you are into it, right? Asking a lot of questions.

I meet with a lot of people and I just really try to pick their brain and have as many advisors as possible leading me, you know, into things that like, I don't know about.

So whether they're giving me little nuggets of advice that they've gone through and they would recommend not doing or whatever it is, and I take out of those things the stuff that I think works for me and then I leave the things that don't work for me. I think it's really important to sit with people.

So when I feel stuck sometimes, you know, setting a lunch with a person that inspires you that you're like, how did you do this? Or what do you recommend on this?

Or I have this, you know, idea that I want to kind of figure out what, what pieces would I need to bring that together.

So I do find, like, now we have access to so many great podcasts and so like, you know, we can, we can listen to people, have these conversations and feel inspired by it and, and learn from it. So I also have listened to so many people, you know, talk about different things that they've learned and their journeys.

And if that spoke to me, then I use it. So I would suggest. Really doing also research on whatever idea you have. About like, what's out there, right?

What did it take those companies or that product or whatever it is your idea is, what do all the research. You can go in, go online and like research what it took that company to get to where they're at. What is that market?

Like, you know, how much money does that marketplace or not? I mean there's so many things, things to, to evaluate before you really can sort of go, okay, I have a great idea for, you know, a soda brand.

But what does that mean? What does it mean to make a soda brand? Like, I have to distribute it, I have to create it, I have to like, what does that mean?

So I think because I have done so much with like online kind of like fashion related stuff, I unders.

I had a certain understanding of E commerce that I was seeing that I think, think helped me see how I could bring together product and curate rooms and things and so forth. And I knew the process of that. But I think you. Yeah, does that make sense?

Roxy Manning: 00:51:42

Am I saying it totally makes sense? And hallelujah for ChatGPT. I mean, I was gonna say, yeah.

Sasha Alexander: 00:51:48

Go to ChatGPT yes.

Roxy Manning: 00:51:50

Yeah, I am totally in. I mean research is so much easier now.

Sasha Alexander: 00:51:54

Research is so much easier. Go am look at these companies ask how did this company come to be? What was their process? How much money did they raise?

How much money did it take to do it? How many years did it take to do it? Are you into that? Right? Is that what you want to do?

I know a woman has started a candle line just now and she never run a business and now she's doing this candle line and she started with a very small idea, but a really pretty idea and it sort of started to grow and now all of a sudden the way that she's aesthetically built this line, it's like getting traction. But now the next phase is how do you then scale that, right? How do you then build more? How do you not do that out of your garage? What do you do?

So there's always something to learn in a business. I find it really cool. I really like it.

Roxy Manning: 00:52:44

It's exciting. You're right. And it's like different every day. I mean there's something different happening, right?

It's kind of like fly by the seat of your pants a little bit.

I forgot who said this, but I was listening to somebody, it was some, somebody very successful in business and they said the team that surrounds you is oftentimes more important than the product that you're putting out. Like that. Having a team around you is so key.

Sasha Alexander: 00:53:09

Yeah, I agree.

And that's what I mean by like the people that you're bringing in, the people you're working with daily, how you're choosing that it to be very careful also choosing like who you're going to co collaborate with, right?

Like, like it's not just who you're hiring as an employee, but if you're bringing in somebody that you're co creating something with, what are your shared, what's your shared vision for it? What like, you know, what do you both want out of it? What are your strengths? What are not your strengths?

I think I'm, I think one of my strengths is that I came from, you know, a storytelling background so I understand how to produce things. But also I'm not a person that thinks I know everything. Like I really, really don't.

I genuinely am like, oh wait, how do I find a person that really knows that really well? We have a company that a man that I work with for our website, analytics and who helps us guide certain things.

The stuff I've learned from him is incredible. Like he, this is what he does.

He sits there and he watches how our digital market space, like what things work and what, how they don't, and how you can take one product and reach an audience. It's incredible. But I don't do that. Right.

I needed to find that right person that's passionate about my project as much as I am, and then we work together to figure it out. But I'm quite excited by all of learning all of it. It's really fun. It's really fun.

Roxy Manning: 00:54:38

You're smart enough to know when you have somebody else fill that space.

Like that's, that's part of being a good manager and a good, you know, like, overseer of the company is you got to know when to bring people in, you know, for different things. I mean, there's plenty of things that I, you know, I need to outsource because I just. You can't be good at everything, you know, you can't.

Sasha Alexander: 00:55:01

And I think the people that think that they are there, I think don't bomb at some point because you can't be a solo player in such a big, such a big industry.

You know, you're dealing with a lot of different pieces and moving pieces, and you have to kind of know what are your strengths and what does that mean? I'm a creative at the end of the day.

And so for me, it's, yes, I can, I can visualize certain stuff and so forth, but there's so much that I don't know and I have to get people around me that do know and, and feel like, you know, we can create something together. But I think that's every business. Like, I don't think anything's by yourself, you know, nothing.

Roxy Manning: 00:55:38

Nothing. You've got to be able to share it with people and share it with the right people, you know. So what does the next, like, five years look like for you?

Are you. So you said you've got some projects, some TV and film things you're working on, and then of course, the business.

So you're also going to be an empty nester in five years. Totally. Right. By the way, how was that sending Lucia to college this last year?

Sasha Alexander: 00:56:02

Hard. Really hard.

Roxy Manning: 00:56:04

Hard, yeah.

Sasha Alexander: 00:56:05

It's very emotional because you feel like as a parent that you did so much work and then all of a sudden they're out there, you know, on their own. And it's hard. It's very emotional. But. It'S also know it's very hard, but it's also not hard. I don't know.

Like, I. I do think that Once your child gets to 18 years old and you've spent 18 years raising them, there is a moment where you're like, okay, baby, time to fly.

Roxy Manning: 00:56:37

Bye.

Sasha Alexander: 00:56:39

You know, like, let's go. So it's a little bit of both, but initially it's very heart wrenching. Initially, it's like I was like, oh, like, gutted.

But luckily I had some wonderful moms next to me. Eduardo. And people that, you know, my mom, like, people that just like, were there for me to just kind of roll past the initial shock and then.

And then it's okay, you know, but it never stops. Like, honestly, parenting never stops. It's not like they're gone out of the house and you're somehow not getting calls to put out some fire.

There's always something. Always.

Roxy Manning: 00:57:14

I mean, even for me, I feel like I still look to my parents for advice and, you know, things like that. There. You never stop being a parent, I don't think. You know, you don't. You know, you don't. No, you don't. So how is.

How's midlife treating Eduardo, by the way?

Sasha Alexander: 00:57:29

Fine. He's. Yeah, he's happy as a clam. He's fine. I mean, listen, he's. Sometimes he's a hypochondriac about like a cold or something. Like, is it Covid?

Roxy Manning: 00:57:37

Do you think it's this?

Sasha Alexander: 00:57:38

Do you think it's that? But, like, aside from that, he's, you know, he really takes care of his fitness. He eats well. We both do.

And like, we, we're, you know, we exercise and we, we.

We try to, you know, we eat well and we, you know, we try to take care of, again, our nervous systems in a way that keeps things calm and we rest and the things that I think you need to do to kind of. So, yeah, he's good. Listen, he's a guy that's like the glasses half full always.

So even if things aren't going well, it's very rare that you find him in, like, a moment of, like, complete distress. He always sort of looks for solutions and he always looks at the bright side. So he's definitely better than me.

I'm the one that could be more like doom and gloom on sometimes, not always. I'm better at it now, but I definitely, you know. Oh, my God.

Roxy Manning: 00:58:30

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why they're with us, right? They're like the more stabilizing forces. It's, it's, you know, we're the more emotional ones.

I mean, I think for you and I especially you know, it's like.

Sasha Alexander: 00:58:41

It's.

Roxy Manning: 00:58:41

You need that balance, you know?

Sasha Alexander: 00:58:43

Yeah. Yeah.

Roxy Manning: 00:58:43

I mean, otherwise, this midlife would not be. You know, this transition time is not so easy.

Sasha Alexander: 00:58:50

Not at all. It's hard. And it's also. It's also weird to be this age, because I don't feel this age. Like, I feel like I'm 20. Like, I don't feel. So. It's.

It's strange when you sort of look at your life and kind of go, how did I get here? Like, lately, I've been, like, so much, like, connecting dots of, like, experiences or memories that I have of myself at a certain age.

I'm like, oh, that's me. Like, you forget that was your life.

Roxy Manning: 00:59:17

You.

Sasha Alexander: 00:59:18

You know, whatever that may be. And also why. Who you were at that certain age and why you made certain choices at that age.

I just believe we all are doing the best that we can given our. Who we are and our personal experiences. And so when you get to now, it's kind of like going, as you said, we're on this other side of time.

And so if that's your time and you're looking at it, you're like, how do you want to live and be and what things are your priorities and matter to you? You know, like, for me, it just doesn't. I'm not as interested in, you know, when we're younger, it's like, you want to be part of certain things.

And now I. I don't know that I care, you know, so much. I. I want. I'm. I'm choosing peace over anything, for sure. But I also. I also am, like, grappling a lot with.

It's not really regret, but it's sort of looking at life in some ways and kind of going, oh, had those things. Had I done those things or that thing or that?

But then I go, no, I would have never done that because that's not what I chose at that moment in my life.

Roxy Manning: 01:00:24

You wouldn't be where you are now. Yeah.

Sasha Alexander: 01:00:26

Yeah. There's definitely things like, you know, in my career that would have gone differently if I. If I chose that.

But I chose my family, and that was right for me. And. And. And I definitely put me where I am today, and I'm happy.

So if I'm happy, then I must have made the right decision, even if other things did not go the way maybe they would have gone, but who knows if they would have gone that way.

Roxy Manning: 01:00:54

You don't know.

Sasha Alexander: 01:00:55

Yeah. You don't now. Right. And so I think all we have is, like, instinct right about it, and we have to support ourselves in that.

I think sometimes, if there's anything that I might get down about is this idea of going, oh, my gosh, I got to this place and this time passed. And, you know, as you said, you're. You're working towards it, you're climbing at it, and then you.

You're here and you're looking around going, wait, how did I get here? What choices did I make to get here? And I think just reconnecting to how do I feel right now, where I'm at.

If you look at the pie of your life and the little sections that you. That you want, whether it's your family or your children or your career or your wellbeing, whatever things matter to you.

I think it's just looking at those things and making sure that they're. That they're all in alignment and so we're all different. What matters to you might not exactly matter to me entirely. And. And so, I don't know.

I think that for me, it's been a lot of that. This year has been a very big year.

And my personal growth of accepting where I'm at and just honoring it and having a really good time creating within it, wherever that takes me, if that takes me to real life, co fantastic if I get to go and do a show, because it fits in great. Like. Like I'm saying yes to the things that. That turn me on.

And I feel kind of like, okay, and I'm really lucky that I am in a position to be able to do that.

Roxy Manning: 01:02:26

Yeah, that is a great way of looking at it.

Sasha Alexander: 01:02:28

Yes.

Roxy Manning: 01:02:29

It really frames it. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

You know, and it, like you're saying, it's like a series of decisions that we make in our life, and sometimes we look around and we're like, what's going on? Like, how did we get here? But ultimately, I honestly think, like. Like, we are where we're supposed to be.

You know, like, this is where we're supposed to be.

And I look around too, when I, you know, see people I've worked with or, you know, that have come up in different ways, and maybe they had something that I had wanted or, you know, like, they did a job and. And this and that. But honestly, like, are they that much happier?

Sasha Alexander: 01:03:06

Yeah.

Roxy Manning: 01:03:08

So I think, like, that. Because comparison can get in the way of things, but I try to, like.

Like, frame it that way and just remind myself that we have no idea what's going on behind, like, you know, their closed doors. Or no, you don't.

Sasha Alexander: 01:03:21

I, no.

And I, I used to say when my, when I remember when my daughter would like go to somebody's house and they would have a bigger house so they'd have more stuff or they would. Whatever she perceived. And I remember she would be like, I want that. I want one day, I want to have these.

And I would just look at her and say, you know, honey, that doesn't mean you'd be happy. Like, like stuff doesn't make us happy. We inside have to be happy.

If we're happy, you can put us anywhere and we're going to find some kind of peace and joy with that no matter what we have. And I think that, I think that that's definitely something that I've learned is like that people that you perceive have certain things.

You have no idea. And I definitely think that social media is totally full of crap because that's, that's not, that's not real.

Like, like our perception of how somebody presents or whatever is not actually what's going on inside of them. You know, I see so many people that I know that their lives are a total disaster.

Their children hate them, their marriages are awful, the relationships suck. And then you see them on social and you think that they have the most glorious life in the world.

And okay, like that makes you happy to do, but like, you know, it's not truth. So the only truth we have is the one in our heart.

And so we have to, you know, when we're at this age, I think look at us in 20 years and 25 years and sort of go, what kind of things in that pie mattered? Right? What mattered? And hopeful. Hopefully we've knocked off some things that like, you know, that we're proud of. I guess. Yes. I don't, I don't know.

I hope you know, less of the things we're not proud of and things, some things that we are really proud of, I don't know totally well.

Roxy Manning: 01:05:15

And what's so exciting is we still have more to go. I mean they're just because we're in midlife, you know, I mean, we can keep going, which is amazing.

Sasha Alexander: 01:05:22

Well, we hope so. Listen, I have a lot of friends that we're reaching an age where people are going through a lot of very difficult things, health wise and so forth.

And when that starts to happen, I think you also take things into perspective of like, you know, enjoy it, enjoy life. I tell my kids all the time to just enjoy this moment right now. This moment right now. You're never going to be in the same moment again.

You're never going to be a sophomore in college. You're never going to be that.

And, like, I wish someone had kind of really helped me understand that more, because when we're young, we're kind of like, racing through it all, which is what we're supposed to do. And we're like, yeah, like, you're indestructible. But then, you know, it begins to slow down, as it should. Good.

You know, I. I personally have a very, like, European approach to aging, which is just a quality of life. And the quality of life embodies everything.

It's from how you feel about yourself, which is, you know, want to cut your own hair, you want to do your skin, like, how you want to dress, how you want to feel in your own body and your mind and your soul, but also, like, how you want to live. And I think that they have just a much more like, positive approach to aging. You know, there is a respect in society to elders.

There's a respect to people that have reached a certain age. You don't look at people in their 40s and 50s, and certainly you look at them and sort of go, wow. Like, they're like.

They've got, you know, they've got more confidence. They've got more experience. They know what's up. There's just a different way. And I think that.

I think sometimes we get caught up, particularly in entertainment or socials, whatever, with this idea of youth. Youth is beautiful, but it's just as beautiful as other stages of our life. And so the hard part about aging is accepted where we're at.

But the easy part is if you can literally look at and go, it's beautiful. Like, it's. It's a beautiful time.

It's just as beautiful as when I was 22 and didn't know, you know, running around the chicken with my head cut off, not knowing, do I want to be an actor? Do I not? I had, like, clothes in my back. Yeah, I'm in my trunk.

And I'm auditioning for things, and I'm, you know, trying to make pay off my student loans. And. And I mean, it's like, in between boyfriends. I mean, you don't know anything about yourself, like, at all. So it's both. They're both beautiful.

Roxy Manning: 01:07:42

They're both beautiful. What advice would you give to that young Sasha, the USC Sasha?

Sasha Alexander: 01:07:48

You know, I just said this to Eduardo. Frankly, I actually had the greatest time ever of my life at that time. And there's nothing That I would do differently, like, at all.

Like, I actually. If there was anything, it would just be maybe leaning into. And this sounds so nerdy, but it's just true. I think I would have. But I did.

I think I would have just. Instead of, like, you know, I was very social, I would have maybe wanted to just learn, like, lean into some learning stuff more. Like, I would.

And that means maybe I would have, like, gotten my master's degree or something. I would have, like, took to learn more instead of jump right into the workplace with this. Like, you know, I. I really liked learning. And I feel like.

You know, you're so young and so you're all into the social and you're mixing that with your learning. So it's a lot of things, but I had the best time ever. I met great people. I grew. Like, I would never take a moment back. Like, I loved it. It so.

But I think in my 20s, maybe after college, I would say. Just continue to.

Roxy Manning: 01:08:59

To.

Sasha Alexander: 01:09:00

Yeah. Like, learn and be around people who inspire you and. Which I did.

Maybe I would have just been kinder to myself at that age of just, like, like, loving yourself more, you know, I don't know that I, like, ever really was just like, like, like. I don't know. I don't know that I was ever taught to, like, love myself fully. That's something that I had to come to.

Roxy Manning: 01:09:27

Do you think that that was more, like, how you grew up and, like, you as a person versus, like, environment, like, entertainment world?

Sasha Alexander: 01:09:35

No, I think it was how I was raised. I just think it's like. I do think part of it is your character and part of it is, like, how you're raised. Like, I do think that.

That as a parent, giving positive feedback in terms of, you know, not telling your kid that they're great, but telling your child that they're. That they are good at something, that they're. That they're.

That they are smart, that they, you know, that they have a value, they have a skill or working towards something. I just don't think that my parents knew that they weren't given that. And so they didn't.

It's not that I didn't have a wonderful, supportive household, but I don't think the creative part of me was nurtured. None of them did this. Even though my mom's, like, a very creative person, they didn't do this.

So I don't know that they knew that form of expression, how important that was to me as a young person. I don't know. And maybe Loving yourself is something that we all need to come to with our own growth. I don't know. Yeah, it's a little bit of both.

I just see some people and then I'm like, wow, they like, really like themselves. Like, they like, think that they're like everything.

And I don't know if that's just like a complete sense of like, egocentricity or what it is or I, A confidence. I, I'm not sure where it comes from. People like, kudos to them, but I don't know that I, I was a bit of both.

Like, on one hand, I'm a total risk taker. I have confidence in my choices is. I believe my instincts. I believe in my instincts.

But then in another hand, I definitely think I, I could have leaned in more.

Roxy Manning: 01:11:15

That's a good point. So it's a little bit of both. It's just varying degrees of people. Right. So it's, it's.

But it's interesting to have all of these people around us because I do think they make us grow, you know, they really do.

Sasha Alexander: 01:11:28

A hundred percent, right? One hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah.

Roxy Manning: 01:11:31

How are you living iconically right now, Ms. Sasha?

Sasha Alexander: 01:11:35

You know, you know, what feels iconic to me is maybe just that this year has been a lot of travel and new experiences. And so, like, I've always loved to travel and I always love, like, doing things that I, you know, have never done before.

And I think that I said yes to some trips this year that felt iconic to me. Like going to France with a bunch of women or I went to Normandy on this trip felt iconic to me.

Going to Italy for literally 48 hours to meet this famous pizza chef with Eduardo and eat at his restaurant and whatever, it felt iconic to me. It felt like I had graduated to a stage in my life. Like, I don't think there's any age for this. I believe that, like, experiences are everything.

Say yes. If you Talk about like 20 year old Sasha, I would say, like, say yes. You get invited to something, you just go, say yes. Say yes. Say yes.

Just find a way. Don't get, don't get oppressed by this need to, like. I feel like there's a lot of kids now and I see it in my daughter and her friends.

They're just so driven to that next step that they're just like, be in the moment, you know, And I feel like I've graduated to a place where, like, living iconically to me means, like, really embracing something where you're at and like, doing things that you don't you wouldn't have done or said yes to. And maybe I couldn't before because I. With work and family, I couldn't. But now I'm saying yes to a lot more, and that feels kind of iconic to me.

Roxy Manning: 01:13:02

Yeah. Living in the moment, too. Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. We're not. And we.

You know, I feel like we second guess ourselves less now than before, you know, and. And the choice, like, it's a. It's more freeing being older in a way.

Sasha Alexander: 01:13:17

Oh, for sure. Yeah. I would. I wouldn't go back. Like, actually in the weirdest way. Like, I wouldn't. You know, I wouldn't go back.

I actually think that that was really, really great. But, like, I don't feel I. I would only go back if I. Knowing what I know now.

Roxy Manning: 01:13:32

Yeah. Having that, like, knowledge. Right. That wisdom. Although you did go back. I saw you. You went back to USC for the reunion. That looked fun.

Sasha Alexander: 01:13:40

Oh, yes, it was fun. It was fun. There was. It was really fun. The house. Yeah. Everything looked great at Theta. It was wild. I mean, everybody was just like.

Like, it was like a party central. So many people. Oh, my gosh. It was wild.

Roxy Manning: 01:13:54

I love that. All the girls and all the guys and, like, seeing people you haven't seen in so long, that's always fun. I feel like it was really funny.

Sasha Alexander: 01:14:01

There was a. There was a girl that came in, and she was wearing, like, this, like, bikini top that said, like, USC on it. But it was literally.

And it was pouring rain, and most people were in ponchos and whatever, this bikini job. And she walked in, and we were in the theater house, and there was. A group of women. I didn't know them. They were, like, 10 years older than us.

But one of them said to the girl, like, oh, my gosh, honey. She goes, you must be so cold. And the other woman hit her, and she's like, shut up. You sound so old right now. Of course she's not cold.

She chose to wear that bikini top. Homecoming in the rain. It was so funny.

Roxy Manning: 01:14:38

That's hilarious. Remember, we'd freeze our asses off. We didn't give a. Yeah.

Sasha Alexander: 01:14:41

And nobody give a shit like she did. The girl looked at her like, okay, it was really funny. But I had a great time.

And again, it reminded me of the power of women and the power of, like, being in that stage in our life. I was so grateful for that experience. Being in a sorority was so much fun and so many great, great girls and ladies and such fun experiences.

Like, I had a ball. Like, I Had an absolute ball. I didn't have sisters, so like, growing up and being able to do that was like such a fun experience. I loved it. Loved it.

Roxy Manning: 01:15:14

It was like a. A moment in time for us. It's like a magic capsule of time that, like, that. It was also like pre social media, so it was like just magic.

We did what we wanted.

Sasha Alexander: 01:15:25

Right.

Roxy Manning: 01:15:26

It was so fun. So fun. And it's. It just. It'll just never be like that again.

Sasha Alexander: 01:15:31

I know. We have to recreate it. That creative. Yes.

Roxy Manning: 01:15:35

The midlife version.

Sasha Alexander: 01:15:36

The midlife version. But I'm not wearing a bikini top. Not happy. Not ready to run. Cut off shorts and a bikini top. Yeah, not happening.

Roxy Manning: 01:15:47

Also, I don't think my body suits a bikini top and cut off shorts at this point. Maybe, though. I don't know.

Sasha Alexander: 01:15:53

I don't know. No, not necessary at all. No way. No, I know. No way.

Roxy Manning: 01:15:58

No way. All right, my dear, what is next? What is next? What are we going to see?

Sasha Alexander: 01:16:03

Well, Lincoln Lawyers coming out on Netflix. I don't have the exact date and. Yeah, that's. That's it for the moment. I mean, just working on my stuff, so.

Roxy Manning: 01:16:13

And if people want to go shop.

Sasha Alexander: 01:16:15

You go to reallifeco.com reallifeco.com or you can go to real life co official on Instagram and check out the. Check out the site. We have lots of new things coming all the time, depending on the season and. And yeah, and check out the website as well. I mean, I.

The. We have like a lot of great blogs for young adults.

If you know parents that are in their senior year, their kids are going off, they're looking for things where. Your place.

Roxy Manning: 01:16:42

Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. And with the holidays coming up, it's a perfect time to shop.

Sasha Alexander: 01:16:46

Yeah. We also have great gifts, so lots of gift ideas. So anybody in your life that you know that's at that age group. Age group.

We've kind of got that of kind covered. So you can go in there and we have a lot of gift ideas for. For that time in your life. Yeah.

And gift cards and registry and wish list and that kind of stuff.

Roxy Manning: 01:17:05

Yeah, that's probably one of the more fun parts too, is curating all the things. Right?

Sasha Alexander: 01:17:09

Like super fun. Super fun.

Roxy Manning: 01:17:12

Yeah. So fun. I love it.

Sasha Alexander: 01:17:13

I love it.

Roxy Manning: 01:17:14

So everyone can find you on social at Sash Alexander. You're all over the place.

Sasha Alexander: 01:17:19

That's me. All over the place.

Roxy Manning: 01:17:22

I love, I love that. That's why we love it. We're like, like more Sasha. I love, especially talking to like my friends like you, Sasha.

It just feels like we're back in college, you know.

Sasha Alexander: 01:17:33

I know. It's like a. I know.

Roxy Manning: 01:17:34

It's like a girl's night out.

Sasha Alexander: 01:17:35

I'm super grateful for it. You're the best. Big kisses to your fam. And thank you honey.

Roxy Manning: 01:17:40

Same. Every time I talk to Sasha, I'm reminded that reinvention isn't a one time event, it's a life skill.

She's lived boldly in every chapter from the soundstage to the startup world, from young adult dreams to midlife clarity. And I hope her honesty today gave you permission to rewrite something in your own story.

If this episode resonated, tap follow wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode. Leave a five star rating and share it with the most iconic women in your life and come hang out with us on social media.

Hecon, Iconic Midlife and edcarpetroxy for behind the scenes midlife magic and the conversations. We keep going off mic until next time. Stay bold, stay curious and always stay iconic.