Million Dollar Listing's Tracy Tutor: 30 Years of Our Friendship, Power Moves, & Owning Every Room
Before she was a bestselling author and the breakout star of Million Dollar Listing LA, Tracy Tutor was one of my college besties—and one of my closest friends for over 30 years.
In this deeply personal and totally unfiltered conversation, Tracy and I go beyond the designer labels and real estate deals to talk about what it really takes to build confidence, reinvent yourself, and stay rooted through decades of friendship, love, success, heartbreak, and power moves.
We’ve evolved, built empires, and stood beside each other through every chapter—triumphs, breakdowns, bad decisions, good sex. All of it.
This isn’t just another interview. It’s the kind of say-the-thing conversation you only get after 30 years of receipts, trust, and real loyalty.
And yes—she spills about the hot 20-something Gen Z heartthrob who slid into her DMs. Let’s just say…..well, you'll have to listen
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Links referenced in this episode:
Takeaways:
- Establishing and maintaining friendships in midlife requires open communication rather than silent expectations.
- In your 40s, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care and not feel guilty about putting yourself first.
- True friendship means understanding that you won't always be on the same page but can pick up where you left off.
- Women should embrace their worth and own their identities without the need for approval from others.
- Midlife can amplify feelings of loneliness, so it's essential to seek community and support from friends.
- Being vulnerable and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, especially in challenging times.
Transcript
Actually, it was a woman that was interviewing several different male CEOs and asking them questions that women that she had interviewed had been asked in the workplace. Questions like, it's so important.
Roxy:It's so important at this stage in our lives, too, to have that, you know, community is everything. I mean, the suicide rates of women in midlife go up significantly because people feel alone, you know, and they feel like they're struggling.
So what do you want people to know, especially midlife women, about friendships at this Stage in your 40s, it's a lot of pressure. So back to dating.
Tracy:Well, this will be the fun part.
Roxy:Yeah. Done with the serious shit, Casey. We will get married one day. I'll leave David. We'll run away together. You know how this story ends.
Tracy:There is a commune on the horizon. I do feel it coming. Like, how many years are we talking? Span of a life? Yes. The most savage thing I've ever done.
Roxy:Most savage. Today's guest is more than just a powerhouse.
She's one of my closest friends, my sister in stilettos, and a woman who has redefined what it means to rise, evolve, and stay unapologetically herself. You probably know Tracy Tudor as the top selling real estate queen from Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles.
But what you may not see is the sharpness behind the glam, the loyalty behind the hustle, and the depth behind the directness.
In this conversation, we're getting into everything from real female friendships after 40 to the business moves that require zero approval to the dating standards of a woman who doesn't chase anyone. If you ever wanted to know what it looks like to own your worth, rebuild your identity, and. And do it all in five inch heels.
This episode is your masterclass.
Make sure to follow the iconic midlife wherever you get your podcasts and watch this full episode on YouTube tomorrow and follow us on social heconicmidlife and edcarpetroxy. Let's get into it. Welcome, Tracy.
Tracy:Now we're with my bestie. From my mom to my college bestie. Hello. Doing a new podcast.
Roxy:Welcome, welcome.
Tracy:Who knows where this is gonna go?
Roxy:It could go many different ways. It's a long and winding road, as they say.
Tracy:I love that you're wearing glasses, don't you? Those times have changed.
Roxy:This is what happens when you're 15. Even with big prints, I still have to wear glasses.
Tracy:I'm blind as a bat, girl.
Roxy:But you. I feel like you don't have to wear them as much.
Tracy:If I don't wear them for a period of time, then I need them less. But if I put them on and take them off, then I'm like.
Roxy:It takes a minute to adjust, right?
Tracy:Do I know you? Yeah. Like right now. You look gorgeous. Oh, my God, my glasses on. It could be a total shit show.
Roxy:Just keep the glasses off, okay? Oh, lady.
Tracy:I'm a little puffy today, girl.
Roxy:I'm so puffy. Are you kidding me? Coming off that plane? Forget it.
Tracy:I don't know. I don't know if it's allergies or just lack of dick.
Roxy:I mean, could be a little of both. Yeah. How is the. How is the dick shortage these days?
Tracy:I mean, I'm just. One day at a time.
Roxy:It's rough out there, huh?
Tracy:Rough out there in the LA streets. I'm sourcing penis out from other countries at this point. It's fine.
Roxy:I think Australia is a good country for outsourcing, right?
Tracy:I'm not mad at Australia. Okay. Currently not at all.
Roxy:Not at all.
Tracy:Not upset. Like it. Love it.
Roxy:Yeah.
Tracy:Might move there.
Roxy:I mean, it's. It. There is something to be said.
Tracy:They're fun.
Roxy:I mean, good times, right?
Tracy:Yeah, they're really good.
Roxy:There might be. I think I heard something about some tall Australian.
Tracy:He is tall. Very tall.
Roxy:Very Australian. Likes. Have a good time. Cute.
Tracy:Darling.
Roxy:Darling.
Tracy:They're all darling.
Roxy:They're all darling, right? They're just having fun. Having fun, huh?
Tracy:Like I said, one day at a time. I'm not exclusive with anyone, Roxy.
Roxy:We like that. Because then I get to vicariously live through you.
Tracy:It's like a good Sunday brunch story.
Roxy:Yes, it is.
Tracy:It is the only reason we get together at this point.
Roxy:We got a recap. It's always a recap. I do love.
Actually, one of my favorite things is when we do have, like, a night out, and then it's like the morning after, we're texting and we're like, ooh.
Tracy:Well, it just immediately comes a FaceTime from the bed. We no longer, like, you're not my best friend if you do not answer my FaceTime promptly at 8am when I wake up from the night before.
Roxy:Yes, correct. And it usually starts out with, oof. That's like the first text. Oof.
Tracy:It's like that meme. Dude.
Roxy:Dude.
Tracy:Yeah. Yeah. I just. I honestly Think I live more for the next day. Chat and FaceTime. And then we start. And then I'll just keep FaceTiming everybody.
I'll start with you and then I'll group in. We just start adding people. By the end of that chat, we have like six women and maybe a gay.
Roxy:Yes.
Tracy:On the chat.
Roxy:For good measure. For a good measure.
Tracy:Just to give feedback.
Roxy:Yes, yes.
Tracy:Honest feedback. Correct. Not that we're interested in listening to it, but nonetheless, they just look pretty.
Roxy:I mean, he's there for eye candy, you know.
Tracy:Yeah.
Roxy:Yeah. I mean, it's funny. You'll do a group FaceTime, but you will not do a group chat. A text chat.
Tracy:I leave a group chat.
Roxy:Yeah, you do.
Tracy:I hate a group chat about a birthday present. Oh, a group gift. We know how we feel about that. We'll go there later. I don't want to talk about vacations on a group chat.
On the dates of, like, when they can come in and when I can come in and I'm not interested in any of it. So I just. I just pretend I'm not on it.
Roxy:Yes. Or the dreaded girls.
Tracy:Leave the conversation.
Roxy:Leave your.
Tracy:Like, sometimes, like, if I want to showcase that I'm annoyed.
Roxy:Yeah.
Tracy:I'll actually leave the conversation. Just to tell them, like, this chat's been going on for like a month now and I'm no longer interested. I'm actually going to formally leave.
That really sets the tone for where I'm at.
Roxy:It really does. And I think the worst one is probably the girls night dinner. The girls night dinner chat.
Tracy:I can't do that. I mean, I don't wanna talk about another date where one person. Everybody decides on a date and then one person is like.
And you know what I've just said, I'm not in until the. You guys get the date together and then I'll let you know four days before if I'm in.
Roxy:Or usually the day of. Usually the day.
Tracy:Yes. Correct. I take accountability for that. I just sometimes wanna say no.
Roxy:Yeah.
Tracy:Until I say yes.
Roxy:Yeah. Yeah, you do.
Tracy:I'm an adult and I'm old enough, and I am at that place in my life where I just say no until I feel like saying yes versus saying yes and then backing out like a wuss.
Roxy:It is. It's almost like an added surprise if you say yes at the end, then.
Tracy:Everybody'S, you know, surprised and happy that I'm able to attend versus disappointed and consistently upset with me.
Roxy:Yes. Correct. Correct.
Tracy:We've had a lot of people consistently upset over the course of the last few years.
Roxy:Yeah, it's almost come to blows a couple of times.
Tracy:20 plus years of friendship. There's bound to be a few disgruntled employees.
Roxy:Exactly. I guess we should probably start from the beginning and just let everybody know how we know each other. How do we know each other? Tracee Elaine Tudor.
Tracy: We met at USC in: Roxy:Correct?
Tracy:1993. As we were rushing sororities at USC and walking the row.
Roxy:That's correct.
Tracy:She was not in my group, so that, you know, I was in a separate group for her and she was in a separate group. And this was like back in the day when USC was still a little bit janky.
Roxy:Yeah. Little rough. Little rough.
Tracy:Little rough around the edges. There was not many, many places to eat, and we had like a lunch break or something. And like, the place to get a bite to eat was Del Taco.
So I think we met at Del Taco.
Roxy:Yes, we did. We sat down, we shared a meal.
Tracy:She shared a crinkly cut fry.
Roxy:Yeah. Crinkly cut fr.
Tracy:No one's mad at that. No.
Roxy:Give us all the crinkly cut fries.
Tracy:Yeah. And that's how we, I think, fell in love.
Roxy:Yeah. That was it. That was it. That sealed the deal. Well, that and your cold shoulder top with the cowboy boots and the clothes.
Tracy:I was channeling warrant. She's my cherry pie. And I'm not sure that everybody. I was from the valley.
Roxie, you were a little more conservative and from Dallas, Texas, and trying to make a good impression. I grew up in the Valley and I was in my hairband phase.
Roxy:Yes, you sure were. Meanwhile, I was a mormon wife in my culotte shorts and blazer on top.
Tracy:Yeah. I was not. It was not it.
Roxy:It was not it. I couldn't wait to shed that skin.
Tracy:You did you right.
Roxy:Shed it fast.
Tracy:You did. And then you fought me for my Marquang narc pants for three years.
Roxy:The mark we should.
Tracy:You did look better in them than I did. No, because you had those little twig legs. And I was like, you know, like I had little. Little soccer legs. Weren't very long. And I just.
I needed all the help I could get.
Roxy:Oh, my God. But look at you now, lady. Look at you now.
Tracy:Yeah. To hell with you, college body. We're back with vengeance.
Roxy:We're back. We're back. So it brings up an interesting point because we've been friends all these years. 30 plus years.
What do you think makes a friendship sustain as women are growing and changing and in These like, public, very public kind of careers. And there's a lot of pressure. Right. So what do you think sustains a friendship, particularly at this point time in our lives?
Tracy:I mean, we talk about this all the time, you know, when I don't think you understand what friendship is necessarily sustainable until you live it. Right. And I think we all go through different phases in our lives.
And our group of best friends, for example, from college, all sort of walked a different path. I was one of the first of our friends to have children and everybody was incredibly supportive of me during that time.
And then, you know, as I started to phase out of little kids, then you guys started to have little kids and I had like young teenagers and, you know, preteens.
So it was, you know, we were in different phases of our lives, which arguably means I don't really want to go to a, you know, toddler birthday party because I'm navigating if my preteen is smoking weed after school. So it was like we were dealing with different things.
And I think you start to recognize that your friends either understand the space that you're in during the time that you're in it, vice versa, and you respect that. But you can still kind of come together and you pick up where you left off.
I don't think there's anything more telling that when I pick up the phone and I speak to you, if we don't speak for five or six weeks, I'm traveling for work, you're traveling with David, whatever that may be, and we pick up the phone and we pick up exactly where we left off. And, you know, you called me the other day and opened your heart to me. We hadn't spoken in three weeks and, you know, it was just easy.
And that to me sort of defines that moment in time where you realize that friendship that you've had for 30 years is going to be a friendship for life. We're not always gonna be on the same page. We're not. We don't need to talk every single day or send each other memes 100 times a day.
I have friends that are very much in my day to day life right now that are living exactly where I am right now. And so being around those women who are in the space that I'm in are important to me in my daily existence.
But that doesn't mean that I don't treasure, respect, admire and adore my friendship with you for 30 plus years. It's just different. And I can call you any time of night. If I called you and was like, yo, I'm gonna need you to come pick me up.
And you'd be like, do I have to start. Like, do I have to start crying? Like, what? You know, you'd be like, whatever I have to do. And I know that that would happen, and vice versa.
And it's just.
You either have that with certain people, or it's very finite for them, and there's expectations, and I think you can't have that when you get to a certain place in your life. We have too many responsibilities as career women, as mothers, as wives, as girlfriends, as sisters, brothers, daughters.
Like, things are complicated when you're in your 40s and you start to have to do a lot of things that you never expected. And that has to come first.
Roxy:Yeah, no, absolutely.
So looking back, like, let's say 10, 20 years ago, what are some of the things that you think you put up with back then with friends that you would not put up with today?
Tracy:I think I used to live in the space where I was really uncomfortable with confrontation, and it used to give me anxiety.
Roxy:Wait, meaning somebody confronting you or you vice versa.
Tracy:Like, whether. Whether I felt that I had maybe done something wrong and.
And it was gonna be blown up into something that if I didn't confront it and apologize, it was gonna be something that would become much bigger or, you know, the opposite, where maybe they had done something to me and I had to, like, tell them that my feelings were hurt and I didn't want to have any sort of unsettling disconnect in my life at the time.
I have since, obviously, taken on a new era called the IDGAF era, where, you know, the women that I want in my life now and the women that are currently in my life are women that are ride or dies. And we're all gonna make mistakes along the way. We're all gonna need, you know, to be picked up.
We're all gonna need to be let off the hook every once in a while because we have history and we have understanding and we have compassion for each other and what we're going through. And so for me, like, 20 years ago, that was a time and place where everything felt so important.
Every mistake I made, every mistake a friend made that affected me, like, that is what, like, I would walk with and carry on my shoulders every single day. I do my. My absolute best not to carry that weight anymore. And it's incredibly freeing.
I'm not going to say that, you know, I haven't made mistakes in relationships or friendships in my life, but.
And or my friends may have made mistakes, you know, as far as how we relate to one another, but I don't carry the burden of that affecting it and it being so life or death. That's something that I walk my daughter through. Juliet, right now.
You know, like everything with your friends when you're, you know, a teenager maybe all the way up through the time that you're married and having kids in that, in that phase, which is really roughly 15 years, your friends are your family.
Roxy:Right.
Tracy:And. And when something falls out, it's like life altering. And I just don't feel that way anymore.
Roxy:That's good. So. Because friendships change and people evolve. Some people don't evolve. Like, how do you deal with that?
When you see somebody maybe that's you've been friends with for a long time and you don't see them changing or you're not really in line anymore. Like, how do you.
Tracy:I'm okay with that.
Roxy:You're okay with.
Tracy:I don't think that there, there's a conversation that has to be had necess if you're not aligned anymore. I think.
I don't wanna say the trash takes itself out because that's a little harsh, but I feel like you just begin to sort of go a different direction. And that doesn't mean you can't come back together.
That doesn't mean you don't have to have respect for each other, understand each other, see each other, and have sort of a mutual respect and admiration for the history of your friendship. I just think, you know, you just move. You move in a different direction and it doesn't. There doesn't need to be a conversation about that.
You just recognize that you're not on. You're not aligned anymore the way that you used to be. And, you know, therefore you're going the way that that suits you. That's right for you.
Roxy:Yeah. We've had a lot of changes in our friend group, you know, and it's like we've kind of had to navigate that. And you're right.
Sometimes you just don't talk to people anymore. Sometimes they come back in at a different time.
Tracy:Right.
Roxy:Maybe they're going through shit, you know, I mean, who knows?
Tracy:I still go back to like our friend group that obviously has been. Has been close for a long time. Some closer than others.
And, you know, the six of us or five of us that have known each other since, you know, we were 18, but I still feel even with some of the friendships in our, our little group, that maybe I'm not As close to, as, you know, for example, you and Kristin. I still feel like if push came to shove and if there was something that I could provide, I'd be there in a heartbeat.
All she has to do is pick up the phone and ask, and vice versa.
Just because we are not necessarily aligned in our values and our day to day and how we see life right now and where we are in life doesn't mean that there won't be a moment down the road where those, those paths could sort of align again. And so I always, like, try to put one foot in front of the other and be positive about it. And, you know, who knows?
Roxy:Yeah, for sure. And you know, the world loves to pit powerful women against each other, you know. Oh, yeah, Each person.
But what do you think is the best way for friendships to thrive in like, a pressure situation or in a world like that?
Tracy:I think you have different friends for, for different reasons. Like, I, you know, I've heard this a few different times where it's like, you have to, like a few different types of friends.
You have to have the one that is like, ride or die, that you could pick up the phone call at any hour of the night and be like, I need you to bail me out of jail. I need you to pick me up. I'm in a really shitty situation with a relationship that I'm in, like, and it's like, pin your location.
I'll be there in 10. You have to have that person, right?
Then you have to have like, your truth teller that's gonna sit across from you and tell you the things you don't necessarily want to hear when you know you need to hear it. And everybody else is saying, I love you, I support you. You do You.
You know, I think you have to have that person that's willing to kind of shoot you straight and say, I think you're on a path that isn't necessarily gonna serve you. And I think that friend, that type of friend is important.
And then I think you have to have the friend that like, brings absolute and utter joy, laughter, and fun into your life at this phase. That's what I want.
Like, I want those three things to make sure that A, I don't fall off track, B, that I always have someone that has my back in, in my darkest days.
And C, someone that is going to be there and like, you know, when I'm having like a terrible few months at work and nothing seems to be coming together, they're there to like, just make me laugh. Pour me a tequila, sit across from me and just let loose. I mean, that's what girlfriends are all about.
Roxy:It's so important. It's so important at this stage in our lives, too, to have that, you know, community is everything.
I mean, the suicide rates of women in midlife go up significantly because people feel alone, you know, and they feel like they're struggling. So what do you want people to know, especially midlife women, about friendships at this stage? In your 40s?
Tracy:I feel like, you know, you have to ask. You know, we're not 18 anymore, guys. Like, we're not in the space where our friendships are the center of our universe. Right.
I mean, for me, being single, my friendships are incredibly important to me right now, and I lean on the women and men around me that I adore and treasure. But for most women in their 40s, but they have very big lives, whether it be career, family, et cetera.
And if you want to maintain friendships, don't expect that we're all sitting around analyzing what your feelings might be behind the scenes. You have to pick up the phone and you have to say, I feel like shit today, and I need my ride or die. Or I need.
I need Tracy to come and make me laugh. Or I need you to bail me out of jail. Whatever that is, you need to be able to say it. And I don't think women say it, say it enough.
I think there's an expectation that if you don't show up for that person every week and you're not texting them every day and having dinner with them every week, that you don't care.
And the reality is, when you're in your 40s and you have kids to take care of, a job to deal with, a husband to navigate or a boyfriend or a wife or whatever that looks like, you're not necessarily giving perspective to your female friendships around you. So you need help, pick up the phone and ask for it.
Roxy:That's the first step. And so many people don't do that.
Tracy:They just feel sorry for themselves and they. No one cares about me anymore. You're not there for me anymore. And I just think that's the wrong dialogue to be having.
If you don't ask for help, you're never. If you ask for help and you don't get it, now that's telling, right?
Roxy:That's a problem.
Tracy:Yes.
Roxy:Yeah. You have to put the first step out there, and you have to do it.
Tracy:Say, I need help. I'm vulnerable right now like you did with me a few weeks ago, and I was like, all bets are off.
Like, I got in my car and we spoke for 30 minutes and we navigated our way through it. But it's only because you asked me that I had any concept about what you were feeling and where you were. Otherwise, how would I have known?
Roxy:How would you have known? You wouldn't have known. You can't guess. You know, I mean, it's imperative.
So what would you say to women who feel like they don't have anyone at this stage? Like, is there a way? Like, maybe through community outreach, like, how do women get a good group of girlfriends, especially now?
Tracy:I say this all the time, but I feel like you, your sense of self and who you are enters the room before you even speak. So if you want female friends around you, be aware of how you're putting yourself out there to women.
You know, I'm always, I've always been a big cheerleader for women. I don't believe in competition. I believe in celebrating each other's successes and, and, you know, navigating this crazy path called your 40s.
And, you know, there's going to be ups and downs for all of us.
But if you want to have female friends and you don't feel like you're on that path or you don't feel like you have anyone, put yourself in scenarios where you are positive, vulnerable, all of the things I don't think you know. When you walk into a room and meet a new group of women, you dump your shit all over them.
I feel like you put yourself out there as someone who is positive, energetic, someone that is interesting and dynamic to be around and someone that's vulnerable. And you'd be surprised at how many friends I've made that are in the same space as I am.
Because really, all of my best friends are still married or have very young kids.
And so I had to kind of make the unilateral decision to put myself in a space where I was meeting women that were in the same space and time that I was. And I have done that. And it's been incredibly rewarding.
It doesn't take away from my old friendships, but it has allowed me to make, you know, brand spanking new female friends that I treasure just as much as I treasure my 30 year friendships.
Roxy:Nope. We win.
Tracy:Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen.
Roxy:Nope, nope.
Tracy:See it later.
Roxy:The 30 pluses.
Tracy:She bitch gets jealous. This bitch is so jealous.
Roxy:I'm like, mm, mm. We get first place.
Tracy:I know. If you could stick your tongue down my throat in a room full of women, you would.
Roxy:Tracy, we Will get married one day. I'll leave David. We'll run away together. You know how this story ends.
Tracy:There is a commune on the horizon. I do feel it coming.
Roxy:Okay, so you do think there is a way for women to have close friendships without the jealousy, without, like, the competition?
Tracy:Hell, yeah. I absolutely think. And I talk about this all the time on my platform. I do not believe in. In women tearing each other down. I.
I will continue to put content out there that challenges women to reciprocate with admiration, adoration, like, celebration for other women, no matter what they're putting out there, rather than, well, you should be doing it this way. You need to eat more. You need to, like, work less. You need to find a man that's your age. Well, no, I don't, actually.
And the more you say it, the more I want to put content out there. That absolutely dispels that.
And what I've found in the last few years is by not curbing who I am and what I stand for and what I've always stood for, more and more women are celebrating that, at least the following that I have.
And I think, you know, like, we're breaking those sort of boundaries and sort of challenging women with a little bit of an older mindset, particularly surrounding women in business, how we dress, how we present ourselves, how we choose to live our lives after divorce, or being single moms in our 40s, whatever that looks like.
I think more and more women are wrapping their heads around reframing their mindset about what we should be doing, how we should be celebrating each other, versus saying, you're doing it wrong. You should be doing it this way.
And that's why I think social media is such a great platform for that, because it's, you know, a world full of free speech. I mean, the little freer than I would sometimes like, but, you know, I can take it, right? Like, good and bad.
Roxy:You're a good, but you've always been like that, Trey. You've always been able to, like, kind of deal with, like, what people say, what they do, because it doesn't change who you are.
You still do what you do.
Tracy:I think, because I make zero apologies for where I am in my life, and I've shared a lot of what I've been through. Not everything.
Not everybody knows every intimate detail about my personal life, but on the whole, I've been pretty organic, and I maintain my truth on my social platform. And I think because of that, I don't have any problem with, you know, don't get me Wrong.
Every once in a while, someone will say something like, as it relates to me being a mother or my children or something like that, and that will really rub me the wrong way. But I reset and I remind myself.
The 82 women that came to my defense against the one woman that challenged me is something that I think is much more powerful. And I think women sort of supporting each other in that way is growing, and I think it takes a little bit of time.
And I think we're still on the path, but I think we need to be our biggest cheerleaders. It's not really about men.
Roxy:Right.
Tracy:It really is about women.
Roxy:And that's the interesting thing is a lot of times those negative comments come from other women, which is actually surprising to me.
Tracy:I mean, more often than not, I talk about this all the time. Again, you know, when you really start to analyze.
I think for a long time, my following was predominantly women, and more so recently, it's changed into sort of a 50. 50, but, well, look at you, girl.
Roxy:You're looking hot.
Tracy:But I think the dynamic of having a largely female following, ranging from really like 18 to, like, 50 most. My biggest following being between 35 and 44. These women are kind of. It's kind of crazy.
I think the younger generations of women that follow me are incredibly supportive.
I think the older generations struggle with sort of breaking the dynamics of, you know, generationally speaking, how they were told to be women, shut up, look cute, say nothing, or if you're gonna be a professional, be professional, wear a suit. And I don't define any of those things on any level. I sort of buck the system everywhere I can.
And I'll continue to have that conversation until I see that there is not a comment, that there is not a hater. I just think it's important.
Roxy:Well, and I think for you, too, especially with the clothing comment, I saw what that guy said about, like.
Tracy:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Roxy:How the. How women in real estate should be dressing and not wearing this, not wearing that. But I think for you, too, I mean, you are a fashion lover.
It goes deep. It's your way of expressing yourself.
Tracy:Yeah.
Roxy:So, I mean, it's almost like it's. It's almost like knocking a piece of, like, who you are, too, just internally, like, naturally.
Tracy:Absolutely. And for me, I don't equate what I wear with the success that I have. I saw something the other day of this guy on Instagram talking about.
Actually it was a woman that was interviewing several different male CEOs and asking them questions about, like, You've got to pull it up. Asking them questions that women that she had interviewed had been asked in the workplace.
Questions like, do you typically wear outfits like that when you come to work? And they're sitting in an interview chair in like a polo shirt and jeans and tennis shoes.
And you start to see as they're getting asked these questions, and these are all questions being asked by a woman that has interviewed females in the workplace in powerful positions. And questions they've been asked since they've been in the workplace.
And you'd be shocked at the responses from like, they interviewed like four or five different male CEOs from like different tech companies, et cetera, like major players.
And it was really interesting, A, their answers, B, how uncomfortable they were being asked those questions, which, you know, we're accustomed to on a daily basis.
And then finally the way she ended the interview was they started talking like, if my daughter ever had to like, experience questions like that, I just don't like, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. And like, the. How they. And they weren't like narcissists, like masochists.
Roxy:You know, all the kiss.
Tracy:All the kiss.
They were actually like decent men that were just put in a position to answer questions that we as women typically would have to answer in a professional setting, particularly at the highest level. And it was incredibly fascinating to watch their responses and how they ultimately reacted. I'll send it to you.
Roxy:Yes, send it to me.
Tracy:It definitely speaks to like, I think what we have to deal with and the things that we have to navigate, particularly in our 40s as we become more successful and women in their 50s and sort of coming up that ladder of entrepreneurial growth, success, transformation in our, in our businesses. And I just, these men just were.
Roxy:Like, I mean, to walk in our shoes for a day, like at the.
Tracy:Office, they can, they can't walk in our shoes for a day. That's number one.
Roxy:Because they would die in heels. No, like, can you even imagine.
Tracy:Yeah, like, do what I do in the outfit I'm wearing and then you can sit across from me and talk shit.
Roxy:So, you know, because you do share your opinions freely, you're very opinionated, which is amazing.
Do you ever worry, especially like in a male dominated field that it gets taken the wrong way or, you know, they might hold it against you or it's like, you know, all ego, this, that whatever the negative, you know, connotation of it is, is that something that crosses your mind ever? Because you're always, you've always been opinionated.
I mean, I Never have seen a different side of you, you know, but does that ever, does that ever like, cross your mind? Especially in like a workplace sort of setting?
Tracy:No, not anymore.
Roxy:That's great.
Tracy:Maybe in my early days. I've been doing what I've been doing for almost 25 years. I've been through hell and back. I experienced loss, failure, success, failure again.
I've fallen on my face, I've gotten back up. Like at this point, some dude or female sitting across from me that has judgment for me, I, I really don't give a shit.
Candidly, I'm doing me, I'm on my path. Either be by my side or get out of my fucking way. You know what I mean?
Roxy:Yeah, for sure. So back to dating.
Tracy:Well, this will be the fun part.
Roxy:Done with the serious shit. So. Okay. Do you. Because obviously you're a high powered woman, you've got a lot going on.
Do you think that that intimidates men or is it that they were just never ready to date somebody like you? You know, I have so many opinions.
Tracy:And I'm not sure, like, it depends on the day. I was set up with someone that was age appropriate. This fucking makes me laugh so hard. Like last week.
Roxy:Well, you haven't even told me this, so tell me what happened.
Tracy:I mean, nothing, Nothing happened. Like, whatever. Like handsome, like fit, moderately successful, charming. I checked a few boxes, I was like, okay, this is like lovely.
Like divorced, already had a kid. And I'm like, oh, wow. Like, I don't have to deal with like navigating that, you know, whatever. Okay, this is, we'll see how it goes.
And you know, again, it's another case of like the male ego after their first marriage or maybe their second getting out of a relationship. And this is, this is very specific to like, I think major cities like la, New York, Miami.
Roxy:Like, did he work in entertainment?
Tracy:No.
Roxy:Okay, that's kind of nice.
Tracy:But wanting to date someone between 30 and 35. And I'm like, I mean a, you're not rich enough. So let's start there. You live in West Hollywood. Calm down.
No, but it's fascinating to me because like, I, you know, at the same time he's saying all of these things, like, I really think that like, I like should date someone between 30 and 35. And you're 44 or 45 or whatever he was. But I want to make sure that they also have drive, ambition, success. I don't want a woman who hasn't.
And I'm sitting across from him going, you have no Fucking clue what you want. You're just caught in the rat race of feeding your male ego and landing something as a trophy versus having an equal partner.
And so that was like a massive turnoff to me. I've experienced that more times than I can count. And people always wonder or ask why I date younger.
And it's because I think actually the younger men that I have dated have had more respect for my career, what I do and candidly look better. And I'm already financially independent. I don't need a man to take care of me.
I would love someone to be like a partner and take care of me and be an equal. Would it be nice if they were on my financial level? Sure.
But more importantly, if they can deliver me emotional security, make me feel safe, make me feel protected, that's far more interesting to me.
And most of the time, the men that I meet in la, particularly in like Beverly, like this town, I was just at El Pastayo and I was like, there was a table full of men and I got up to go to the bathroom and my mom was like, they were all talking about, you know, I'm like, they are like a waste of space, these men, all of them with their fancy watches and their fancy cars and it's all very like showy. They have zero substance, you know.
Roxy:Yeah. And they're all carbon copies of each other.
Tracy:And by the way, they couldn't sit across a table from me and have like in a meaningful organic conversation because they're so used to dating like someone who's just kind of like figuring their lives out. And God bless these girls that are like coming up and you know, getting pursued by men that are in their 40s and 50s and they're 28 to 32.
They're probably at the same emotional maturity.
Roxy:Right.
Tracy:So that tracks.
Roxy:Yeah.
Tracy:Like, it's true.
Roxy:It's true.
Tracy:Because. But then again, I don't want to date someone who's 65 or 70. Like, I value the way I take care of myself.
I value like my priorities and wellness and health and wanting to have a good time and being in that space. So, like, I don't know, maybe my path is shorter term relationships with someone in their 30s.
And you know, if I find someone that I go the distance with, then that's amazing. I don't think they're going to be in their 50s or 60s, just based on my experience.
Roxy:Right. They're also kind of at that point a little bit jaded in a way too with like.
Yeah, you know, they've Lived a certain amount of life, and it's probably. They're set in their ways a bit.
Tracy:Right.
Roxy:It's like, they don't want to be kind of flexible and, well, they certainly.
Tracy:Don'T want to answer to, like, an equal partner.
Roxy:Right? Correct. Because they're used to, like, you know, these younger girls that they can kind of control in a way.
Tracy:Yes. Like, you can't just buy me with a Dior bag.
Roxy:Like, you're like, I can buy my own honey.
Tracy:Well, also, like, I'm not gonna. Like, that's not what is gonna make me happy. Like, you purchase me a handbag and you think that that's, like, the way to my heart. Like, no.
Be emotionally available. Be present. Like, do those things for me, and then, you know, maybe I'll show up and I'll find more often than not.
But most men in their late 40s, early 50s, and 60s, like, just aren't that.
Roxy:So how do you stay vulnerable when you're dating?
Tracy:You don't.
Roxy:Can't compromise that power, girl.
Tracy:I'm just kidding. I mean, trust me. Like, my feed is filled with, like, Tracy, here's like. It's like, men and, like, tracy, be vulnerable.
You know, And I think with certain people, I am. Like, there's someone in my life right now with that I'm very emotionally vulnerable with for the most of the time.
But I feel like that's a struggle that for someone like me who's been financially independent and had, you know, several relationships post divorce and haven't really found my person yet, but have had, like, beautiful love, just not everlasting, that it's very difficult for me to fully be vulnerable. I have to work on that every single day. Like, speak your truth if you want it. Say it out loud. Like, don't be afraid.
Like, you failed so many times in your professional life. Why are you so scared to fail again in your love life?
And that's a question that I struggle with a lot, you know, because I feel like all eyes are always on me. Like, who's she gonna date next? Like, what?
People follow my love life, and, you know, this town is small, and that's why I'm dating outside of the country.
Roxy:Who has slid into your DMs lately? Anybody interested?
Tracy:Oh, man.
Roxy:There was one. There was one that we talked about. I was kind of jealous.
Tracy:Which one?
Roxy:Mark Estes.
Tracy:Oh, God. He's like, 12, but he's so cute. Oh, my God.
Roxy:For a little bit.
Tracy:No, no. He's way too young, but he's super Hot.
Roxy:He's super hot. That's exactly it.
Tracy:Great body.
Roxy:Yeah.
Tracy:I just like watching him on Instagram in the gym.
Roxy:Oh, I know. It's good.
Tracy:It's really cute. No, there's things in my DMs that I cannot share. You know, when you're just like, going. Because I actually get leads there.
So I actually physically go through all of my DMs, from requests to general to primary. And so, like, typically, if I just see something, I'll just tap, tap, tap, tap heart, prayer, heart, prayer, heart, prayer, tap, thumbs down.
You know, it's like a. Keep it moving until I get through the leads or someone that is asking me a question about a property, etc. And then all of a sudden, there's a photo.
Roxy:This. I remember when you first.
Tracy:And then you. It's like. It's like it's a train. Train crash that you can't avoid seeing. You just have to see what's there, what's behind that little photo thing.
And then you open it, and then they know you opened it, and that's like the. The door is now officially open to just. And then you have to block or you have to threaten the block.
Roxy:Like, you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube at that point. And you know what? I remember when you first got on the show and you were like, look at these.
And it was like, dick pic, dick pic, dick pic, message, dick pic, dick. It was like. It was just like an onslaught. So is it like. It's.
Tracy:It's pretty fun?
Roxy:Yeah, it's kind of.
Tracy:Of fun. You know, you're driving, you're in a doctor's office, you're checking your messages, and, like, boom.
Like, big, hard penis in your phone of, like, someone in the middle of, like, Arkansas.
Roxy:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tracy:You're like, okay.
Roxy:Are you sitting there talking to your mom?
Tracy:Have a great day, Keith. Like, glad my real estate photo inspired you.
Roxy:I should take more of those. I mean, it's too good. But, you know, like, the 40s for you, I feel like, was a really. It was a big decade of change for you.
You know, you got divorced. Juliet and Scarlett, your kids became of age. You got on this really successful reality show, you know, and you built, like, this amazing business.
So that kind of all happened in the span of, like, 10. Less than 10 years. Really?
Tracy:Yeah, because I got divorced when I was 41. So it's been eight years.
Roxy:Has it already been eight?
Tracy: I got. I filed for divorce in: Roxy:And I remember when you knew, you knew that was it, like when you made that decision, that was it. You were like ready to go.
Tracy:Yeah.
Roxy:But I mean, after that, you know, it's kind of like. So you've had this great, you know, 40s, up and down, like all over the place. What are you looking forward to in your 50s?
Because you are having a big birthday in August.
Tracy:You know, I just, I do want to find like love, like a relationship. I think I'm better and I'm fun as hell single, but like, maybe too fun.
Roxy:Like I, Is there really too much fun?
Tracy:I tend to be incredibly spontaneous and you know, my life right now is my girls, my work and breaking away from all of that, having fun with friends and meeting people and traveling. Right. So I don't have an ex husband to worry about. Like he's all good. My parents are healthy.
So you know, those are the three things that I spend time doing. And so when I have the time to have fun, I take advantage of every moment of it.
And fortunately for me, when I'm single, I'm a good time and people like to invite me places. I think that that can get a little tiresome after a while and it's much more fun to have someone that you want to do that with, you know.
But I've had a couple, you know, I was dating someone a few months ago, which will go unnamed.
Roxy:Yes, we know, we know.
Tracy:And you know, that was short lived. It was a few months and I realized pretty quickly it wasn't the path for me.
But I would like someone that like values who I am, what I am, doesn't want me to change or morph into like what it means to be with them or how they pictured me to be in the couple and just celebrate me for who I am and have a partnership with someone that I can celebrate the same things in them and that do that together, have that life together, celebrate each other's successes and travel and have fun and be with my friends. And that's to me that's like my 50s. I, I have no issue turning 50 at all. I've never felt better. I feel great.
I feel better today than I did when I turned 40.
Roxy:Do you?
Tracy:100%.
Roxy:Why do you think just where you are in life?
Tracy:No, I think physically, like literally physically, like of course I'm, I'm more successful than I was when I was turning 40. I've lived another nine years. But I just mean physically.
I'm in the best shape of My life, my doctors are like, I don't know what the hell is going on with you, but, like, biologically, you are younger today than you were nine years ago. I feel great. I feel energized. I feel happy. I don't think I felt that when I was turning 40 again.
I got divorced a year later, so that might have had something to do with it. But, yeah, I feel physically my best. And that's like, for me and I think such an inspiration, hopefully, to other women.
You know, I'm 49 years old, I have a fucking six pack, and I haven't given up life. I enjoy cocktails, I eat cheeseburgers, I like, you know, But I just have. Whatever the balance is, it's what's working for me.
And I'm not saying it's gonna work for everybody, but I think if you sort of invest in yourself and you start taking actually care of yourself instead of everybody else first, then you get to feel good. And when you feel good, then you have so much more to give to the people around you.
Roxy:So how is like the, the wear and the tear of the body in this midlife period for you? I mean, are you feeling the things that a lot of women are feeling with, like, perimenopause, for example?
Tracy:No, I'm on testosterone. I've never felt better.
Roxy:Oh, shit, girl. You didn't tell me you were taking testosterone. It's great, right?
Tracy:It's fantastic. Which is another reason I need a boyfriend.
Roxy:Like, I gotta get this out.
Tracy:It's fantastic. I went and had some testing done probably a year ago, and my testosterone levels were a little bit low.
And a girlfriend of mine, Caroline Stanberry, had told me about this great hormone doctor. So I went and got all my blood work done. And he's like, your levels are a little bit low.
You could absolutely put some testosterone back in your body. Would give you a lot more energy. You'll be great in the gym. And the one thing he said to me was, do you have a boyfriend?
And I was like, I just broke up with him. Why? He's like, well, that's going to be a problem. And I didn't really understand at the time what he was effectively saying to me.
And he was like, you might start, like, looking at your gardener in a sexual way. And I was like, oh, my God. Really? Like Chris? And sure enough, he was not wrong. So I'm embracing it. It made my workouts so much stronger.
I have way more energy than I've ever, like, than I did when I, you know, A year ago. And I just, I feel good.
Roxy:How long did it take to kick in?
Tracy:Probably like a month or two.
Roxy:Okay. And it's a patch.
Tracy:I didn't do a patch. I did the pellet.
Roxy:So it's a good thing then.
Tracy:I mean, it's been wonderful.
Roxy:Sex drive is up, like the whole bit.
Tracy:Energy's up, clarity, like, I feel great.
Roxy:So were you having symptoms before you started taking it?
Tracy:Well, my testosterone levels were low.
Roxy:Yeah. Did you have like the brain fog or anything like that?
Tracy:No, I don't have time for brain fog. Like, I don't even. I don't even have time to process that I have brain fog. You know me, I'm up at 6 o' clock in the morning.
I'm in the gym by 6:30 or 7. I go until 6:30 or 7 every night. And then, you know, so I never even like, slowed down long enough to be like, how am I feeling?
For me, I've always clocked my sleep. Sleep is crucial for me.
And so I notice when I'm sleeping less than seven hours, that's when I start to get a little, like, agitated, easier, a little less clear.
But for the most part, if I'm getting decent sleep and my serotonin levels are on point and I'm taking care of myself and putting good things in my body and working out, I'm. I feel a thousand percent. So in terms of symptoms, I didn't have symptoms. I just went in because I was like, I'm 48 years old.
I should probably like, take a look at this. And I had been on birth control up until that point. And he was like, you need to get off birth control.
You've been on birth control for like, you know, however many years, 20 something year more. And obviously I got off when I was having kids, but then I got back on when I was like, and we're done.
So that's kind of where he was like, in order to really assess, you know, where you are, we need to get you off birth control. And so we did some blood work and that's when he discovered I was lower in testosterone.
And, you know, we made those adjustments and I'm taking some peptides as well, which, you know, have been great for like, collagen and just, you know, my body feeling good.
Roxy:Your skin's looking on point, lady. Looks good.
Tracy:Thank you. Yeah, thank you.
I mean, that's skincare stuff too, and genetics, but I'm just doing the things sort of preventatively, so who knows when, you know, menopause comes, and if it. When it does, I'm. I'll be battling that next. I don't. You know, but for the time being, this is where I am.
Roxy:You know, I think it's really important, too, to be open with, like, the things that we do that are maybe, you know, like, I've been very on my page, you know, I'm like, I'm getting Botox. You know, I'm doing this and I'm doing that. And I think it's. It's really important to be open about that kind of stuff. And I know you are.
Tracy:I think some people are, like, very protective of that stuff. And maybe I get why, you know, that's just never been who I am. I've had Botox. I've had filler. I don't get Botox.
I actually get Xeomin, because Botox doesn't work on me to be totally transparent, and that's something I do for maintenance, and I've done it for 10 years. People think I've had a facelift. I have not. You know, I have not.
Roxy:Thank you. Yes.
Tracy:I have a much better makeup artist now than I did when I first started the show. And maybe that's why you see the difference. And I'm probably 15 pounds lighter, you know, that's the difference.
I have not had a facelift, but goddamn sure you guys will know when I get one.
Roxy:They'll be clocking it, you know? They will.
Tracy:I'll just tell ya. And we'll start there, so. And we don't have to ponder on it anymore.
Roxy:It's unbelievable. They'll sit there and they'll guess all day long, you know, and you're like, I didn't fucking do anything. Like, come on.
Tracy:I don't care.
Roxy:They just. Yeah, I know. You're like, I don't have time for that.
Tracy:Sorry.
Roxy:Okay. Regrets? Any regrets from your 40s?
Tracy:I don't believe in regret. I think it's like a wasted, wasted emotion. I think it. It crushes like.
I believe in decisions, and I believe sometimes you make wrong decisions and you have to pay for the decisions that you make, and sometimes that takes you down a path that you don't necessarily want to go, but I think there's also recovery from that. And I think there's something about Even in your 40s or 50s or 60s making wrong decisions, which.
There's something about our youth that it's like, you don't make mistakes in your 40s. You make them in your teenage years and in your 20s.
But then once you hit 35, you have your shit together, and you're not supposed to make those kinds of mistakes anymore. Let's advise.
There is not a woman that I know that is in her 40s, 50s, 60s, or my mom in her 70s that is still not making mistakes in her life or my life today.
And I think we have to live through those decisions and those mistakes and figure out a way to navigate it and fall down and get back up again and recover. That's what makes us women. That's what makes us incredibly powerful and strong.
I think the idea that we're supposed to kind of filter out all these mistakes and then live some sort of path that is, you know, some wonderland, I. I don't think that exists. I think we're intended to stumble. I think we're intended to fall in love multiple times.
I think we're intended to make mistakes with the people that we fall in love with. I think we're intended to screw up with our children. I think they're intended to learn from that, and so are we. That's what makes us better people.
That's what makes our children better people. I think protecting people from that and showing just one facet of perfection is such an illusion, and it's so misleading and, I think, damaging.
Roxy:Yeah. And it's evolution, too. You have to keep evolving, so that's part of it. So, yeah, you're gonna fuck up. Like, you're gonna keep up.
Yeah, you're gonna keep winning, too. I mean, that's both ways.
Tracy:That's the pressure of, like, you know, something you and I were talking about a few weeks ago. I think there's this idea that, like, you know, here we are. Like, we. We're supposed to have it all worked out. Says who? Yeah.
Just because I'm in my late 40s, I'm supposed to have all the fucking answers. No, I'm not. Why do you think we have, like, a girl tribe to, like, help us through stuff like this?
Like, there's no universe and where we're supposed to have it all figured out. I think that messaging is.
Is not only, like, wrong, but it's damaging even to us, because there's still this feeling of, you know, imposter syndrome, where we're supposed to sort of think that we have it all together and it doesn't give us permission. It doesn't give you permission to pick up the phone and call me and say, I don't have it fucking together, Tracy.
Like, I feel like everything's fucking crumbling and I need to, like, Vent and dump on someone. Can I do it? Like, I need 10 minutes of your time. And that I think we have to give each other permission to do more often.
Roxy:Do you feel imposter syndrome?
Tracy:You know? Yeah, from time to time.
Like, I think the messaging that I'm this boss and, like, you know, because I stand up for women and I say things in a public setting in one facet of one minute in a social media platform, that. That is the tonality of who I am across the board. And that doesn't. It's not. That's not. You know, Instagram is one.
One tidbit of me, and I try to share some of my stuff on stories of me just being silly and more organic so that you can see different facets of who I am and not just this polished sort of version of myself. And the reality is, I think that I definitely have those moments where I'm like, I am still. You know, everyone's like, you're killing it.
I'm like, no, not today. I'm not.
Today I had 50 million fall out at escrow, and I have $100,000amateur bill to pay two girls to put through school, One that's depressed, the other one who just, you know, has a new boyfriend that I'm trying to figure out who he is. You know, those are the things in your daily life as a mom and as a woman and a career woman that, like, don't necessarily all come together. And.
Yeah, sometimes you feel like when you're posting something about female empowerment and being a boss, you're having a day like that. You feel very disconnected.
Roxy:Yeah. I mean, it's up and down. Right.
Tracy:But why can't you be both?
Roxy:Yeah, why can't at the same time, even?
Tracy:So I'm trying to talk about that.
Roxy:Yeah, yeah. No, it's true. It's true. That'll, like. I think that will help women kind of get through it, because I think there is, like, a.
Like, the thought is like, oh, it's black and white. You're either this or you're that. And that's not true. You're gray. There's, like, going on over here. Maybe you're empowered here.
Maybe everything is falling apart here. And it's like just trying to get through the day.
Tracy:It's one day at a time.
Roxy:Right? It's one day at a time.
So what do you say to those women out there, especially midlife women who are stuck or feel like they're not going anywhere or maybe they're in an unhappy marriage or like, they're not in business where they want to be. Like, how do people become unstuck and not lost?
Tracy:I think for a lot of us, we start, you know, life, like, you know, in your 40s, I think.
And I don't know if you relate to this or not, but I feel like you get to the place where you start, like, looking ahead and looking ahead and what's on the docket for me and what's gonna happen next. Instead of living presently.
Like, we're thinking about the shit that's happened in our past or the stuff that may or may not happen in our future, which takes us out of where we are in the exact moment.
And I feel like if you wake up every day and I try to make a practice of this, you know, for me to navigate how busy I am, but it also helps me personally. One day at a time. I don't want to look at tomorrow. I don't want to see tomorrow.
Every time I have to think, like, two months down the road, I have a hard time saying yes to a dinner with you guys in two weeks from now. I just want to be today. Because it sometimes feels overwhelming to think too far into the future.
I rather focus on my happiness today on Friday, and worry about what's happening next week. Next week.
And that makes it a little bit more tolerable, a little bit more in the moment, and a little bit, you know, you're able to be present with the people that you're with and sort of get rid of all the other stuff that's happening around you, you know.
Roxy:I think it's really important also. I totally agree with that.
But also to, like, let go of these timelines that we have in our head, you know, like, by 50, I need to have this and this and this and that, you know, or I should be here in my career or here in my relationship and this and that, you know, and it's really. I think a lot of women get caught up in that.
Tracy:You know, that's a messaging we've been given.
And by the way, even for men, it's the messaging we've all been given since we were born that's been programmed for so long that to undo that is daily work.
Roxy:So how do you do that? What is the daily work?
Tracy:Don't fucking look at tomorrow. Like, I really, really, truly won't even look at my calendar for Tuesday when I am in Monday because it's too overwhelming to me.
If I look at, like, the 98 things that I have to do on Tuesday. Then I start tripping and I start analyzing what that day is going to look like instead of being present in the day that I am currently in.
And again, yes, I'm talking more about my career and what I'm trying to achieve in my entrepreneurial self, but really can apply very much to my personal life as well. And whatever people come into my life in the day that I am currently living are the people that I am going to embrace. And that's.
That's the only thing that I'm not a doctor. I don't fucking know. All I know is that that's what makes me feel less angst and less overwhelmed with what's next is just living today.
Roxy:What are three things that women can do like today to feel more powerful? You think? Like three actionable things like our listeners right now could do?
Tracy:Take care of yourself first. I don't think women do that. I think women take care of. We're caretakers. We're nurturers by nature. We feel selfish when we take care of ourself first.
Let me tell you something.
When you hit the end of the road and you realize that you haven't taken care of yourself, not only are you mirroring for your children what you don't want them to do, which is your messaging to them, is you come first. You're raising these little women. You take care of you first. You're the most important person in your life.
Your self confidence, your sense of self, all of those things are the things I want. But I'm gonna mirror something else. I'm gonna mirror me taking care of you and not taking care of myself. I'm gonna look like a mess.
I'm gonna walk around in a gym outfit all day that I haven't even worked out in. And I'm gonna be exhausted because I'm gonna stay up too late doing all the things for you and not doing anything for myself.
And then I'm going to be depressed because I feel shitty about myself. But that's the mirror image that I want you to see as my daughter. But I want you to totally do something different.
So that's one piece of advice that went on, that went on a little longer. But I think it's literally the most important thing.
Roxy:It is. It is.
Tracy:You know, surround yourself with people that you admire and that you aspire to be. And finally, don't settle for mediocrity, even in your 40s. Like, just because you haven't quite gotten to where you want to be yet.
Like, who wants to be mediocre I don't. That's why, like, if I hit a goal, I'm like, all right, shit. What's up next? What's up next for me?
What do I have to do to feel like I have something to strive towards, something to wake up for, something to look at. I think it's like a way to sort of keep you alive and present and wanting to get up and grind every day and do something.
Because I think we're the most happy and we're the most motivated when we have purpose. And if you don't have goals and if you sort of are just settling with being mediocre, then what do you have to wake up for?
Roxy:See, that's the thing.
I feel like a lot of women in this age group, you know, they've raised kids or they've been married, or maybe they stayed at home and they stopped working. How do they find their purpose? Like, how do you do that when you feel.
Tracy:I don't know, man. That's up to them. Read a few books, do what inspires you. Try different and new things. Have an affair, I don't give a shit. Whatever works for you.
But, like, do something that you haven't done before to inspire something inside you that lights a fire. And whatever that fire is for you, go light. It could be something brand new that you've never even done before.
And I don't see why you can't do it just because you're in your 40s.
Roxy:It's the fear, you know?
Tracy:Yeah, fuck that. I wrote a book about that. I know.
Roxy:Fuck. Fear is a four letter word.
Tracy:It's true.
Roxy:It's true. No, it is true. It's like, I think women are so paralyzed a lot of the time because they're like, what will this person think of me? Or can I do this?
Or can I do even believe in myself to take that first step, you know?
Tracy:Yeah. You gotta just dive off anyway.
Roxy:Just dive off. And don't feel. Don't be afraid to ask for help 100%. Right?
Tracy:Never.
Roxy:I mean, Tracy, you still ask for help. I mean, it's. Yeah, for sure.
Tracy:I could not do what I do without the help from the help and support from the people around me that love me, that work with me, my children, they're my greatest support system. My two girls see what I do every day and you know, they're my biggest fans and they know how hard I work.
Roxy:Yeah, and they're coming of age too. I mean, Juliette's gonna be 19. Yeah, 19. So what would you say to 25 year old Tracy Elaine Tudor, the first, what advice would you give her?
Tracy:I mean, again, leave the fear at the door. You embrace all the energy that you have inside of you and put it out there and don't fucking hold back. You have absolutely nothing to lose.
Roxy:Maybe we should have had better hair colorists back then, though.
Tracy:We should.
Roxy:George, why didn't we know you back then?
Tracy:I mean, those college photos, every time you pop one in the group chat, I'm like, wow. Wow what? I mean, what was I thinking? I don't. I thought I was hot back, by the way.
I was so confident that I must have had a sparkly personality because somehow we were nailing it. I don't know how to this day. I'm so confused.
Roxy:It's so confused. We thought we were like the hottest things that walked, you know, Sunset Boulevard.
Tracy:I mean, my mom raised. Raised me. My mom was like, you are the hottest thing since sliced bread. And I was like, I am. She was like, you are.
And so I just went out into the world thinking I was the jam, you know, it paid off though, whatever, I guess so. God bless her, but that's what we should be doing. Like, that's how I was raised by a really strong woman.
And that's what I want to give to my girls, and that's what I want to give to the women around me. And you go out there and own that shit. And I don't care what you look like or how many curves you have or what hair or how bad your hair.
Like, if you walk into a room with confidence and you own it, people are gonna notice not only the women in that room that are gonna be like, damn, girl. But the men too. And they're gonna be like, okay, uh huh.
Roxy:Yeah, for sure. I feel like you're telling Juliet that now every day to be confident, to kind of step into her power, use her voice, all the things, right?
Tracy:Absolutely.
Roxy:So how are you living the most iconically right now?
Tracy:I don't know. Aren't I just iconic at this point?
Roxy:You just are iconic, girl.
Tracy:How. What is that question? How am I living the most iconically?
Roxy:Yeah, what is. What is like, what does iconic look like to you in your life right now?
Tracy:Honestly, I feel like every day I get to wake up and be whatever version of myself that I feel like being in that day. I am, like I said, I am so many different things. I'm not just one thing.
So if I wake up and I'm feeling sexy and I want to be that woman, On a Tuesday, then that's what I'm going to be. If I want to wake up and, you know, grind and be a hustler, then that's what I'm going to be that day.
And if I want to be frivolous and carefree and book a trip to Napa for the weekend, then that's who I'm going to be. That, to me, probably, at my age, is living iconically.
Roxy:Yeah, yeah. Being who you are when you want to be it. I mean, it's.
Tracy:There's nothing more freeing than being where I am in my life and having the independence and the freedom to wake up and say, today I'm going to do this, because I can.
Roxy:Yeah. Little less given every day, too.
Tracy:Less every day.
Roxy:Less every day.
Tracy:One less to give every single day.
Roxy:They just go out the window. Okay, so on the iconic midlife, we like to play games. So are you ready, girls? Oh, let me put on the glasses. Hold on. Hold, please.
Tracy:Oh, God.
Roxy:Okay, here we go. Game title.
Tracy:It's like a speed situation. Don't ask me, like, hard questions, then expect me to answer like, give me.
Roxy:Everything you got, girl. This is called. Say it like you mean it. So I'll read a sentence with a fill in the blank, and you fill in the blank.
Tracy:I can do that.
Roxy:Yeah. All right. The most overrated quality in a man is blank.
Tracy:Their brain.
Roxy:Starting off hot. I like it. I like it. I'd rather walk barefoot through LAX than blank.
Tracy:Date another guy in la.
Roxy:I thought you were gonna say drink champagne.
Tracy:Oh, yeah, I don't love champagne.
Roxy:Yeah, you did. My red flag in a friendship is.
Tracy:When someone blank doesn't celebrate my successes.
Roxy:That's a big one.
Tracy:That's red flag.
Roxy:That's a red flag. And you can tell those people right from the get.
Tracy:Yep.
Roxy:Right from the get. Okay. Power is quiet, desperation is blank.
Tracy:Loud as fuck.
Roxy:You can see it from a mile away, can't you? Yeah.
Tracy:Yep, sure can.
Roxy:Yep. The last time I ignored my gut, I ended up blank. I could fill in a few of those.
Tracy:Yeah. I was like, yeah, my gut's usually right. And then I just, like. I ended up in a relationship much longer than I should have been.
Roxy:Yeah, you did, kind of.
Tracy:I really like to beat a dead horse. Just drag it out right to the bitter end.
Roxy:You're also very generous in your relationships, too. You do give a lot of yourself.
Tracy:I know, I know. Maybe too much.
Roxy:I mean, you know, we live and learn, right?
Tracy:Yeah. Or do we maybe not, like, actually delete?
Roxy:I do I learn if a man tells me he's intimidated by me, I blank run for the hills.
Tracy:Right? Yeah.
Roxy:Yeah. Can't do it. No can do. I'll make time for anything except blink.
Tracy:Bad sex.
Roxy:Yeah. Who has time for that, right?
Tracy:No one. Not today.
Roxy:No. I feel like you're on a good trajectory right now, Belle. You know, I can't really think when you had bad sex last.
Tracy:I can.
Roxy:Not in the recent past, not recently. Yeah, it's been a minute. Been a minute. At this point in my life, I only chase blank peace. It's a big one. Peace makes you happy too, so it's peace.
Tracy:I was listening to someone the other day talk about this. You know, the difference between happiness is, you know, when you have happiness, that means there's sadness.
That means you have the ups and the downs of that. When there's peace, you're at like a baseline where there's no. No fluttering movements. I want to be.
I just want to be at peace to where there's not a roller coaster of highs and lows. That's life. It's going to happen. But when you're at peace with yourself, it makes it much easier to sort of tolerate the inconsistencies of others.
Roxy:Yes. In the external. All the things.
Tracy:Right. Correct.
Roxy:If you want to impress me, don't bring flowers. Bring blank tacos.
Tracy:Easy answer.
Roxy:Taco Bell.
Tracy:Just tacos.
Roxy:I mean, you.
Tracy:You show up outside of my house in a dark van. If you open the door and there's like tacos inside and a margarita, like, I am it, you're in.
Roxy:That's it. That's. That's actually the way to your heart.
Tracy:Yeah. Yeah. So true.
Roxy:Tacos and margaritas. I mean, sounds good for today, doesn't it?
Tracy:Should move to Mexico.
Roxy:Being quote unquote, too much is just code for blank.
Tracy:An insecure person. Whoever. Whoever said that. Basically, whoever's saying that to you is insecure.
Roxy:Okay, Mary Fuck Hill.
Tracy:Oh, I love this one.
Roxy:Dorit Kemsley. Kyle Richards or Erika Jayne?
Tracy:Well, after. So I'm a lesbian.
Roxy:Yeah. Now you're a 10 year lesbian. Today.
Tracy:Oh, my God. Okay, well, I guess I have to kill Dorit. Cause we had a spat about my hairstylist. I think I would fuck Erika Jayne and marry Kyle.
But although I feel like Erika and I would maybe have a great marriage together. We could have like boyfriends on the side. I don't know, we be like hot. Yeah.
Roxy:Yeah.
Tracy:Okay. I might change my answer. I might fuck Kyle because, you know, she might be good at It. She could be, like, excellent.
So that actually is a great choice. And then I'm marrying Erica, and we're gonna have, like, a fabulous sex life.
Roxy:Yes. Yes. So that'd be good. You can always have your side pieces, you know?
Tracy:Yeah, she'd be totally down with that.
Roxy:Yeah. Oh, by the way, I've come up with a good tagline in case you want to go the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills route.
Tracy:Oh, really? Why is everyone still talking about this? Okay, what is the.
Roxy:Cause I'm envisioning it. I think it could be a good thing. Okay, ready? I don't compete. I close.
Tracy:What do you think about that?
Roxy:Wow.
Tracy:That's really creative. Roxy.
Roxy:Yeah? What would your tagline be?
Tracy:I don't know, man. I haven't thought about it.
Roxy:Haven't thought about it.
Tracy:Something about the game. I don't know. I'll come back to you.
Roxy:Okay. Do that. Yeah. Okay. So the most savage thing I've ever done with zero regrets, is or was blank.
Tracy:Like, how many years are we talking? I mean, it could be span of a life. Yes. It could be the most savage thing I've ever done.
Roxy:Most savage. It's a lot of pressure.
Tracy:I've definitely confronted a few chicks in my day.
Roxy:Yes, you have.
Tracy:When the girl tried to break into my sister's house and steal all of her stuff.
Roxy:Oh, my God. Yes.
Tracy:And I yanked her out of the closet and threw her down the stairs, as one does. Then she pulled half my hair out of my head. That was pretty savage.
Roxy:Yeah, that was pretty savage.
Tracy:I mean, took my earrings out.
Roxy:You can't lose earrings.
Tracy:I was, like, in my early 20s.
Roxy:Yeah.
Tracy:I mean, I've done a lot of savage things. Can you think of one that I've done? I mean, you've known me long enough.
Roxy:I feel like. What's, like, the most savage?
Tracy:I mean, I've smoked a lot of pot. You're asking me to remember a long time.
Roxy:Yeah, it's a long time. Maybe my bachelorette party, There were a couple savage moments. Maybe without giving. Without giving too much away.
Tracy:That actually was pretty savage.
Roxy:That was very savage. Yes. The art piece. The art piece giveth in ways we never thought.
Tracy:So weird.
Roxy:It's so weird. That was pretty strange. Savage. Whatever you want to call it, right?
Tracy:Was.
Roxy:Yeah. Okay. Tracy, Elaine, any parting words?
Tracy:I love you. It's so easy talking. I could do an interview with you all day.
Roxy:All day.
Tracy:I mean, by the way, am I like, your first interview?
Roxy:You're not, but you're definitely probably my most Favorite. Rude. Rude. Rude.
Tracy:I mean, it's like, definitely easy.
Roxy:Definitely easy. Definitely easy. Okay, tell everybody where they can find you. As if they can't.
Tracy:You can find me@tracytutor.com. if you're looking to potentially buy or sell any real estate in California, Texas or abroad, you can find me on Instagram @tracytutor. TikTok.
Tracytutor. I don't really do LinkedIn, but you can find me there too.
Roxy:Wait, are you thinking international sales now?
Tracy:I mean, I have done some international stuff. I've done some stuff in Mexico and done some stuff in Dubai.
Roxy:London should be kind of interesting.
Tracy:Yeah, I kind of want to move to London.
Roxy:Is this a newer development?
Tracy:Yeah.
Roxy:Oh, and when were you thinking?
Tracy:Well, I can't do it for a few years. Scarlett has to graduate.
Roxy:Right.
Tracy:But like, how fabulous it would be if I had a flat in London.
Roxy:I mean, it would be fun for us. It would be fun. I mean, we could just, you know, do London.
Tracy:Wouldn't I be amazing in. I'd be like a 10. It would be. Yeah, that would be like a 10 life.
Roxy:It would be literally a 10. Yeah.
Tracy:I've lived here my whole life. Maybe it's time to like, shake a tail feather and like go check out like another place. Country.
Roxy:Yeah, that is true. Now that I'm thinking about it.
Tracy:You have always never left California. I've been here since birth.
Roxy:Why didn't you move with all of us when we all lived in New York?
Tracy:Because I was an actress at the time.
Roxy:Yeah, you can act in New York.
Tracy:Not, I mean, not when you're graduating from college with a theater degree. Like, you have to like audition and do all of that shit here. It's like where the business was.
Roxy:Yeah. So you just. That was kind of the driving. Yeah. I mean, I kind of see you maybe in London. Yeah, right. Uh huh huh.
Tracy:I can't learn a new language.
Roxy:I mean, it's too hard.
Tracy:It's not my forte. I've been speaking Spanish my whole life and I still need three coronas to like, like, like get out. Like any sort of conjugation.
Roxy:I mean, what about Texas though? You kind of said maybe. Texas, Love maybe. Is that still a possibility there?
Tracy:If there is a cowboy in my future, then I am open to that possibility.
Roxy:So also the show, like, what's happening?
Tracy:We're on pause. I mean, I think, you know, for the time being. I was talking to Bryce Sander about this the other day. For the time being, we're on pause.
I love those boys. I. I could see us all coming back together and doing something again.
I don't know if and when that will ever happen, but, you know, life's sort of an open, exciting time right now. I don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know what is gonna be in front of me next, but I welcome it. I welcome it all.
Roxy:Are you thinking maybe more reality tv?
Tracy:Who knows?
Roxy:You're open. You're open.
Tracy:I think I really am. I think, like, what is going to come to me is going to be meant for me, and. And that's how I'm gonna live.
Roxy:That's the great way to manifest, too, is just being open like that, Right? Like letting. Letting opportunities come.
Tracy:Yeah.
Roxy:Okay, well, I expect to see your ass back on this couch very soon, Ms. Tracy.
Tracy:Elaine, let's just do like a weekly. Yes.
Roxy:Oh, my God.
Tracy:Special guest Tracy Tudor interfering in her friend Roxy's podcast just to talk shit to all the guests.
Roxy:We love it anytime.
Tracy:We love Tracy. I love you, baby.
Roxy:I love you, too. That conversation was everything. Tracy doesn't just speak the truth, she lives it.
She's a woman who has built her power brick by brick, heartbreak by breakthrough, and she's done it all while staying completely fiercely herself. If there's one thing we should all take from this episode, it's this.
Tracy:This.
Roxy:You don't have to shrink to succeed. You don't have to soften to be seen. And you don't have to explain your standards to anyone.
So be sure to follow the iconic Midlife wherever you get your podcasts.
And watch the full unfiltered video episode on YouTube tomorrow, follow us on Social at the iconic Midlife and me radcarvetroxy for more bold, brilliant midlife realness. Until next time, Walk in like you own the place, because you probably do.
